"Hey, how are you doing?"
Ever noticed how this question tends to make us think about our recent worries and challenges first? You are not the first to feel this way.
In this episode, Tiffany’s all about challenging the idea of being overwhelmed by negativity and encourages us to highlight the positives while keeping it real about the challenges.
By flipping our responses to focus on the good stuff, Tiffany shares some personal stories – from dealing with a kid's anxiety to juggling a partner's travel demands. It's a reminder of how intentional responses can seriously shift our outlook and interactions.
See how answering an everyday question a little differently can encourage a mindset of mindfulness and intentional living.
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Timestamps:[00:00] Intro
[00:51] Why your answer to a simple question matters
[02:17] Reflecting on your state of mind
[04:21] The power of reframing
[04:46] Closing
Tiffany Sauder [00:00]: What do you say when somebody asks you how you're doing? Like, what do you say? Have you, like, we're asked that question at least once a day. I'm probably asked that question four times a day. Like, how are you doing? What do you say? Because I think our answer to that question matters a ton. Because I believe the way that we talk about our lives informs the way that we think about our lives, and the way we think about our lives informs the way that we view it. Like, judge it. If I think I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I am going to notice everything in my day that feels tired. If I think I'm having a great day, I am going to notice everything in my day that's making it a great day.
Tiffany Sauder [00:51]: Does that make sense? I think our answer to that question of, how are you doing? Matters so much. And it is an answer that I have just started to be really intentional about, like, how am I doing? Because it also sort of spreads this energy to the other person of, oh, yeah, me too. So if I talk about my life in the way that's negative, like, oh, my word, it's so crazy. We're running kids everywhere. I feel like we're never home. It's, like, super overwhelming. My husband and I are, like, bickering all the time about logistics of the kids. You know how it is.
Tiffany Sauder [01:26]: Then the other person is like, yeah, totally. Us too. I know. Can't wait till the kids can drive. Like, it's nuts. What are we doing? We're crazy. It starts to become this shared bitch session. I have noticed.
Tiffany Sauder [01:41]: When I answer the question with, how are you doing? I say, oh, my word, so great. We are busy with all the best things. We have healthy kids who want to be involved, and they're socially excited. They're doing really well at school, and we have a big, full life of a bunch of stuff that we've said yes to, and it's great. Then you know what they share. They share what's positive in their life, too. So this is not to say we become this big caricature of happiness. That is not what I'm about at all.
Tiffany Sauder [02:17]: But a year ago, I would have answered the question very authentically and said, things are going really well. But we've got one thing that we're really struggling with right now. We have a kid that's struggling with anxiety, and it's a really new challenge for our family, and we're figuring out how to navigate that. So again, an honest response is important, but in all of our lives, there are really good things going on, and there are things that are kind of sloppy. And I think the way we answer that question, how are you doing? Is a really powerful mirror in reflecting back to us, where is my state of mind? Where is my attention on my life? And I've gotten really excited and passionate as I'm working on this course about the power of identifying one thing to fix. And when we are saying things like, I'm so overwhelmed, we're so behind, it just feels crazy. It's nuts around here. I'll sleep when I'm dead.
Tiffany Sauder [03:15]: When we say big, sweeping statements like that, we are out of control and we don't even know where to start and what to fix. But when we answer with, this is the stuff that is good, and these are the one or two things that we're, like, figuring out how to solve, then we have a proper identification of what's going on. And how do you move your life forward? I don't know. I hope that makes sense. But I think there's a lot of powerful, a lot of power in thinking through the question of how are you doing? What's your answer to that? Is it honest and is it giving you good feedback in what you want to see in your life in the way that you want to honor and respect the people in your life? This same thing happens to me when I'm like, oh, just Jr's gone right now. Like, oh, is that so annoying that he travels? I could jump on the train and be like, oh, yes, it's so know and turn myself into this single mom martyr about how he's never around. Or I can say, you know what? We're so excited for the opportunities in his career right now. And we both said yes to this.
Tiffany Sauder [04:21]: And so we're great. The girls and I have great. We know how to do it when he's gone, and we love it when he's home. That is a surprising response to people. When I say, we decided this, we knew this was going to require this. We decided this together. And so therefore, I'm not frustrated. Yes, sometimes I'm tired, and yes, blah, blah, blah.
Tiffany Sauder [04:46]: And yes, sometimes I make the girls cry because I'm impatient. Those are all natural parts of having a lot going on, but that does not make me a victim to this choice that we made together. So the next time I ask you how you're one, I will be waiting for your response and I guess just be observing how that's reflecting on the way you see your world and what it makes me see in mine. So thanks for listening. Bye.
