Have the courage to let go

Welcome to Scared Confident. I'm your host, Tiffany Sauder. So I don't actually know if what I'm going to talk about is going to make any sense. This is one of those episodes where I would, like, give a lot of money for some body language to see if this comes across on the microphone the way I'm imagining it's going to. So, you know, we'll just see. Maybe you can send me a DM on Instagram if it makes sense. If it doesn't. Okay, so I've been, you know, over the last few weeks, recruiting people and talking to people about coming into the life of and academy.

Tiffany Sauder [00:00:32]:I promise this episode is not an advertisement for Life of And Academy. And as I've talked to different people, one of my observations is that some people are so deeply connected to their problems, they are almost protective of them. And I think it's because they don't know who to be, what to talk about, or what their relationship would look like if it wasn't fundamentally built on that problem. So let me see if I can think of an example. As I talk to people, I start to realize they're like, you know, I can't change because of XYZ or I want a new life, but I don't have the time for it right now, or my husband would never get on board with something like this. What I'm trying to say is that I remember when, like, my conversations with JR were based around logistics and they were based around conflict. And to think about asking me, what if you talked about things you both love? What if you went and did something that, you know, that makes him happy? That I would have had a harder time coming up with things to put on that list then would have been difficult to fill out a list of things we fight about. Does that make sense? So it would have been easier for me to make a list of, like, the top ten things that we fight about than it would to have made a list about the top ten things that I know he'd love to go do with me, or the top ten things that we could talk about that is not logistics or the things we're fighting about.

Tiffany Sauder [00:02:10]:Like, those lists would have actually been hard to make. That's what I'm trying to say. That is, my observation is that we become so rooted in the ruts that we're in, in our current problems, in the patterns of our relationship, in the sort of like, almost like a protective mentality around the environment that we're in, because seeing it for exactly what it is is terrifying. And I get that. I mean, it's like survival sometimes to not look at things like, exactly as they are. But I started to realize, like, man, it's easier to see in other people. If you see this in me, I hope you'll call it out like crazy. But these problems, these conflicts, these issues in our life become so identified with our world and our existence and our vocabulary and our self worth, and I think our view on the world, that we struggle to even imagine a world without those things.

Tiffany Sauder [00:03:11]:And so then we accidentally work to protect them. Isn't that crazy? It's totally crazy to me. And again, I'm not, like, trying to make a bunch of people feel bad for not taking the life band academy. It's just been like this interesting observation of we accidentally actually even protect our problems. We protect these patterns, these ruts that aren't serving us because admitting they aren't serving us means there's work to do or means there could be failure, or means there could be a gap. And I totally can relate to, like, I'm so tired. I can't possibly think of putting energy towards one more to do. I can't possibly think of putting the energy towards trying to recreate this relationship.

Tiffany Sauder [00:03:53]:I can't. Like, I totally get that level of exhaustion, but until one of, like, somebody puts their finger in the hamster wheel and says, like, this has to stop. I was talking to a young woman and she was wanting to get some, just some of the things we're talking about across to her husband. And I said, well, what does he love to do with you? And she said, he just wants my attention. I was like, so give it to him. Give him your attention. Give it to him. And in that, whether it be dinner or a date night or a concert or something, just the two of you ask for ten minutes to talk about something that is on your heart and on your mind.

Tiffany Sauder [00:04:30]:Like, I bet that will go totally different than if it's like, in the heat of the battle. You're like, you know, one of the things I wish you do and, like, blah, blah, blah. So meet them where they are and don't protect these patterns of, I'm not going to spend time with you because you don't pick up your shoes when you walk in the house. I'm not going to give you what you want from me because you don't give me what I want from you. And I think it's this accidental protectionist mindset of what is the relationship if it doesn't have conflict in it, what is the relationship? Is it, if it isn't these well worn patterns of kind of dysfunctional interactions, what is it instead? And I remember seasons where it was really difficult for me to imagine what those things would be. I think I maybe could have gotten through it faster if I would have realized how those problems were defining those relationships so much. So I want to encourage you that you deserve the life that you dreamed of. And it doesn't come fast, but it does come and accepting things that are because you don't see how to change them.

Tiffany Sauder [00:05:46]:Sometimes the first way to change them is by everybody. Just addressing where we are is not okay. It opens up the floodgates for there to be different ideas for how to move forward. And until you can get to a place where you're open to different ideas, there's no environment to test and try to change things. So I don't know, give me feedback if this was clear or just confusing, but I just want to encourage you. Part of the courage of accepting or running towards a life of and is is having the courage to let go of the safety of like ruts and patterns that aren't serving the life you actually want. Again, thanks for listening. I always so appreciate it when you listen to these conversations and listen to the podcast.

Tiffany Sauder [00:06:36]:If there's anybody in your life that you know could benefit from it, like you guys sharing it is literally the biggest way that the word gets out and love to see the show grow and just love to hear feedback from you. So thanks for listening. I I love hope you're enjoying this springtime weather. It's the best. Talk to you soon. Thank you for joining me on another episode of Scared Confident. Until next time, keep telling fear. You will not decide what happens in my life.

Tiffany Sauder [00:07:03]:I will. If you want to get the Inside Scoop, sign up for my newsletter. We decided to make content for you instead of social media algorithms. The link is waiting for you in show notes, or you can head over to tiffanysauder.com. Thanks for listening.

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