What to Outsource First, How to Make the Math Work, and Why You Still Feel Guilty About It

[00:00:00] Tiffany Sauder: The women who resist outsourcing the longest are usually the ones who grew up watching their moms do everything and loved them deeply for it. I see myself in that, but here's what I've had to make peace with. My mom's job was to run the house. Part of my job is to run a company, to raise four kids, to stay married, and to show up as a whole human being. And those are not the same job.

[00:00:27] Tiffany Sauder: I'm Tiffany Sauder, entrepreneur, wife, mom, to four girls and a woman figuring it out just like you. Come on, let's go build your Life of And

[00:00:38] Tiffany Sauder: We're gonna start with a hot truth today. Ladies. Nobody is gonna give you a prize for doing it all yourself. Not your kids, not your husband, not your boss, not the version of your mother who's living rent free in your head. I've been a working mom for 20 years, well, 17, to be specific, and the single biggest shift in how I live and how I work came when I stopped asking can I afford to get help?

[00:01:03] Tiffany Sauder: And started asking, can I afford not to?

[00:01:08] Tiffany Sauder: Today I am gonna answer five questions that came straight from you. Women running two queer households who are keeping everything moving and just like still quietly wondering like, where is it that I start? These are your real questions, my real answers, and so let's get into it.

[00:01:24] Tiffany Sauder: Okay, so we've got five questions. The first one, I'm just gonna like go through these verbatim and then I'm gonna jump into my just like straight talk answer. So we're just gonna kind of go like rapid fire through these. 'cause I know that you're in a hurry 'cause you always are because I'm always in a hurry.

[00:01:36] Tiffany Sauder: number one, what should a two career household outsource first? Like, where do I even start? So I wanna have you first take a quick inventory. I'm gonna give you like a forced rank list, but I want you to also start with what costs you the most amount of emotional energy, not just time. Like, yes, time is relevant, but so is the thing that you just fricking hate.

[00:02:00] Tiffany Sauder: Because if I can take away that you fri the thing you freaking hate, even if it takes you five minutes, it's gonna give you emotional capacity back. That probably is gonna give you time back 'cause you're just gonna be less pissed at the things. So here are the five areas that I'm gonna say are sequenced in part because of what I hate that the, like my emotional energy, so laundry is number one.

[00:02:23] Tiffany Sauder: Because it never ends and it's like demoralizing because it never ends. It costs far less to outsource it than most of you are assuming. I promise, for like a rep point reference, a drop off laundry service, like where somebody comes and picks it up. and maybe I should say a pickup laundry service spend.

[00:02:42] Tiffany Sauder: It costs about one to $2 a pound in most markets, like for sure in Indianapolis. I don't know what it costs you guys in la, but here in my home turf, it costs between one and $2 a pound. So most people are assuming that's like $200 a week, but it's usually like 50 to 60 bucks for you to get all of your family's laundry sent out.

[00:03:01] Tiffany Sauder: I bet if you and I were literally betting one another, you would've thought it was gonna cost more than that. I always joke, you don't have to be the fresh pencil bell air to like outsource your laundry. So I'm gonna encourage you get the actual number of what it costs to outsource your laundry before you tell me I'm crazy and you don't want to do it.

[00:03:19] Tiffany Sauder: And also, like public service announcement, you're not uniquely qualified to fold your underwear. Okay, number two. Get your house cleaned. This is not a new idea. I know many of you're already doing this in some capacity, but it is a huge gift to your marriage and to your weekends and just feeling like there's something special being done for you.

[00:03:41] Tiffany Sauder: When the house gets clean without you doing it. Saturday morning stops being a chore list and it starts being yours again. Or you can like. Freely walk out the door and go to all your kids' activities and not feel like, oh my word, as soon as I get home. Not only am I gonna have a carload filled with dirty stuff and hungry people, but I'm also gonna have a bunch of crap I have to do.

[00:04:00] Tiffany Sauder: Nobody likes that. Number three, grocery delivery. I know a lot of you do something around grocery, like you do grocery pickup, but I would encourage you to actually count the minutes it takes you to do the grocery pickup, Maybe it's on your way home from work, but if it's not, I want you to like literally count the minutes, even the accessory minutes of how many minutes it takes you to find your keys, get your purse, get in the car, drive there, pick the stuff up, all the things.

[00:04:28] Tiffany Sauder: So this eliminate, like, it's usually about 10 to $15 a week in delivery fees to get your groceries delivered and it can give you a bunch of time back. Okay. Number four, find one meal solution that works for your family. It doesn't have to be every night, but have a few anchors, a meal kit service, a local prep service, a rotation of very easy dinners like I often will do, like Monday is soup night, Tuesday is tacos, Wednesday is like sheet pan, and Thursday is leftover, so, mm-hmm.

[00:05:02] Tiffany Sauder: Removing the daily decision of what are we eating? Like literally we can have anything on planet earth. What should we eat for? Dinner is a massive load of solving, so make it easy. The fifth one, and this is a bit of, probably a luxury item on the list, but a house manager or like a part-time helper.

[00:05:20] Tiffany Sauder: This is a bigger move for sure, but has a massive ROI when you're ready for it and when you feel like you've got a lot of moving parts in at your house that needs someone to sort of manage it. So there's gonna, be somebody that, that like doesn't fit necessarily into an easy schedule, but they're gonna take care of things like errands and picking up the house and.

[00:05:41] Tiffany Sauder: sometimes just like the invisible logistics returns. We know we all have returns. they take care of those kinds of things. When we're getting ready for parties, my house manager will help with that kind of thing. Birthday parties, wrapping gifts, sending out Christmas cards, the stuff that takes time even like, it like helps me be more thoughtful, like getting ahead on birthdays, sending flowers, like those kinds of things.

[00:06:04] Tiffany Sauder: You can get them done without doing them, and it still can be an authentic extension of your brand and your heart and all of those things. So something to think about.

[00:06:14] Tiffany Sauder: So here's the thing. I think nobody thinks about outsourcing. Doesn't have to be a standing weekly commitment. 'cause I know sometimes the financial piece of it can be intimidating at the beginning.

[00:06:23] Tiffany Sauder: Think about starting in a way that is episodic outsourcing. that can be a real strategy for this too. So from some examples, hire someone before a major holiday. Christmas is coming, Thanksgiving is coming. You're gonna be hosting, hire somebody to come through and just could have like give you a lift or I'm sitting here just getting back from spring break.

[00:06:41] Tiffany Sauder: Having somebody come in and clean your house or do or send your laundry out after spring break can give you some hours back. in a season when the house feels upside down and your energy is like already sitting at zero. So this one-time investment can help stop what kind of this like spiral of making you feel so behind and it can cost you oftentimes a week or two of momentum.

[00:07:03] Tiffany Sauder: I'm like, I'm sitting here at Tuesday being like, we're pretty much back on track, getting back on Saturday from spring break and I know having some of these outsourcing partners are a big piece of being able to transition quickly.

[00:07:15] Tiffany Sauder: Okay, so here's always the question that I get next. How do I pay for this without creating new financial pressure?

[00:07:21] Tiffany Sauder: And it's a real question. I understand that. So question two specifically in your words is how do you buy back time without quietly increasing fixed expenses in creating financial pressure? That is right. We do not wanna solve one problem in exchange for another. We wanna be sure that we're doing this really thoughtfully, and I think this is where a lot of us get stuck, and I wanna challenge you how you're looking at the math.

[00:07:46] Tiffany Sauder: Number one I want you to do is actually go and look at how much it's going to cost. I think our fear will yell at us and be like, it's gonna be too expensive from the jump. Because part of us is embarrassed that if we go and see how much it costs and we say, oh, I can't afford it right now, that we're gonna feel bad about that.

[00:08:05] Tiffany Sauder: Get over it. If you can't afford it right now, that is really important information and if you want to afford it, it might give you something to work towards. So instead of when we make more money going and buying new things, which secret always take more of our time. Whenever we have more things, it takes more of our time.

[00:08:23] Tiffany Sauder: What if we use some of the new money that we're earning to actually buy back our time instead of buying crap that takes it? Okay, that's kind of an aside, but anyways, I like get on my soapbox about it. Okay, so three things to ask yourself. Does outsourcing this help you earn more or protect your ability to earn?

[00:08:41] Tiffany Sauder: So if getting laundry off of your plate gives you back Sunday afternoon and that Sunday afternoon goes towards rest time with your family health, mental clarity that helps you do your job better, then is that actually a cost or is it an investment in your most valuable asset? You, your time, your brain, your mind, being able to rest and like take a beat.

[00:09:04] Tiffany Sauder: Number two, I want you to think about this. Would you pay this bill? Would you pay that price if it was a medical bill or a marriage counseling session? I say it again. Would you pay this bill? Would you pay this amount if it was a medical bill or a marriage counseling session? I think all too often we're willing to pay to fix things when they break.

[00:09:25] Tiffany Sauder: We are wimps when it comes to spending money to pay to protect those things before they do. What I mean by protect, protect your family relationships, protect your marriage, buying back the time to protect your health. Having the time to do the things that keep things from breaking is an investment.

[00:09:47] Tiffany Sauder: And I think all too often we are more willing to actually. Pay for things when they're fixing something that's broken than we are to do the proactive maintenance. Just think about like your house, right? Sometimes it can be like, I don't really necessarily wanna pay for somebody to come and refinish these steps so that they don't get water damage.

[00:10:07] Tiffany Sauder: But when they get water damage and it's warped and all the boards come up, then you're like, well, I've gotta pay somebody to come fix these things. This like, I was in manufacturing early in my career and we called it preventative maintenance. That was the word, like what is the preventative maintenance things that we need the time for?

[00:10:25] Tiffany Sauder: Our health and our marriage and our relationships and our mental peace, we have to pay for that time somewhere. So some things to think about. Oftentimes a therapist helping you work through your marriage is gonna cost more than house cleaner, right? Oftentimes paying for. a intense medical treatment can cost more than the gym membership to just stay healthy.

[00:10:49] Tiffany Sauder: And so I think we've gotta make sure that we don't put ourselves in a situation where we are unsupported for so many years in a way that is proactive, that we're left to only fix things that are broken.

[00:11:02] Tiffany Sauder: I wanna take a quick moment to thank my partners at Share Your Genius. For the past four years, they have been an incredible part of my journey. Behind the Microphone, Share Your Genius is a content and podcast production agency that helps leaders and brands bring their message to life.

[00:11:16] Tiffany Sauder: So, whether you're trying to find your voice, develop a content strategy, or get your leader behind a microphone, they're gonna help you make it simple, strategic and impactful.

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[00:11:26] Tiffany Sauder: Number three, where are you spending on money on luxuries that don't actually give you any life?

[00:11:31] Tiffany Sauder: This is kind of uncomfortable, but like, let's run the math. If you're getting Starbucks every day, that's like a hundred to 150 bucks a month if you're getting your nails done. Once or twice a month, that's like 70 to a hundred bucks. like there are places I think we're oftentimes spending money. That handbag that you have that cost you a couple grand.

[00:11:49] Tiffany Sauder: And I'm not saying these things are bad, they're amazing, but oftentimes we have stuff at the expense of our time and we look at it and say, I don't have the money for a housekeeper, but you have the time and money to go get your nails done. Spending money to get your nails done. Yes, they're beautiful and they're amazing, and I don't ever do my nails because I've just decided I don't care to spend time or money on it.

[00:12:11] Tiffany Sauder: I wanna outsource my laundry instead. Until I turned 40 something, I never colored my hair. And my hair was literally the same since high school because I didn't wanna spend time and money getting it done and sitting in the chair and spending money coloring it. Now those are just choices to say something has to be simple.

[00:12:30] Tiffany Sauder: Something has to be under-resourced, quote unquote, if I wanna have money for these other things. So it is not a no trade-off world. I want you to understand that. But I think oftentimes we're making trade-offs, by default instead of on on purpose.

[00:12:46] Tiffany Sauder: I wanna tell you before we jump into the next question or two, I wanna tell you about a season in our house. I'm just like not that proud of. We had three kids under 10. I was running like in the throes of running. The agency Jr. Was traveling for work like all the time, and I was doing all of it, the laundry, the groceries, the cleaning, because somewhere in my head I had this idea that needing help meant that I was failing as a mom.

[00:13:10] Tiffany Sauder: I grew up watching my mom do like literally everything, and she stayed home with me and my three siblings. She cooked the best food. She cleaned, she showed up for everything. And I loved my childhood and I love my mom, but I was spending my adult life trying to replicate her life inside of a completely different one.

[00:13:31] Tiffany Sauder: The job that she chose was as a stay at home mom and. that job had her at home so she could keep the home. And I had four kids and a company and I was working outside of the home. And I kept measuring myself against an expectation that wasn't built for my life. And I wanna be clear, this expectation was one I had put on myself, not one that my mom had put on myself, not one that anyone had like explicitly articulated to me.

[00:13:57] Tiffany Sauder: It was just, that was what I saw. And so that's what I thought I needed to do. But the moment things shifted for real was the week I did the math, I hired someone to do our laundry and it cost me about what I spent on coffee every week or two. And the time that I got back just from that one thing, I was able to close a client deal and that paid for it four times over.

[00:14:21] Tiffany Sauder: So that's when I stopped asking, can I afford to get helpit is an exchange of time and energy. And I started asking myself, maybe I can't afford not to get help. I know some of you are probably the first in your group of friends, or first in your neighborhood, or first in your family to be asking questions like this.

[00:14:41] Tiffany Sauder: And I get that. My friends were not making these decisions. My mom was not making this decision. My sister was not making this decision. My friends weren't. My neighbors weren't. And so it feels weird to be the one who says, I don't know that I'm gonna do this. Because we think in our heads that maybe they're gonna make fun of us, and maybe some of them did.

[00:15:01] Tiffany Sauder: Like who does she think she is? But I didn't care because what I wanted more than their approval was I wanted rest and some peace and some time and some just like space to not have to be tasking every single minute. I wasn't working. Okay.

[00:15:20] Tiffany Sauder: Last question we're gonna tackle together. What are the highest ROI ways that women buy back time that most people overlook or underestimate?

[00:15:30] Tiffany Sauder: All right, let's take a look at this one. I think the three that don't get enough credit is this. Laundry service. I mean, if you've listened to my podcast at all, you know that I'm a huge fan of outsourcing your laundry, and I already talked about it in this episode, but I'm gonna say it to you again. It's still the most underestimated pick up.

[00:15:48] Tiffany Sauder: Laundry is like a couple buck bucks a pound, and it's just not that big of a financial commitment. When you look at how many hours you get back, I bet it's 6 to 12 hours, depending on your family size that you get back. Divide that by 50, 60 bucks. Let's just say it's 4 hours that you save, 60 bucks, 4 hours, $15 an hour.

[00:16:11] Tiffany Sauder: I know you make more than $15 an hour. You need to think about outsourcing that task. Everybody's like, but they're gonna screw it up. They're not. I promise you. These people are professionals at laundry. It's amazing. Okay. Grocery delivery. I already talk about this. It's not the app fee, it's the real math of this one. A 45-minute grocery trip twice a week is almost 80 hours a year. Spent picking up your groceries. That's two work weeks. Do the math ladies really honestly look at how much time are you spending grocery shopping? Or picking up your groceries and add it up for an entire year and say, do I really wanna spend two weeks a year picking up my groceries?

[00:16:51] Tiffany Sauder: Wild when you can make it go away? Like, yes. imagine if you spent those two weeks working out like 80 hours a year, additional 80 hours a year, walking an additional 80 hours a year on anything that you know needs your attention. Okay, I wanna do a reminder, do a periodic refresh if you cannot afford a standing service.

[00:17:12] Tiffany Sauder: Then hire someone for one day, a pickup on your birthday, get your house cleaned, like on your husband's birthday, get the house cleaned. Like pick moments that are important to your family to say, instead of asking for a gift, I'm gonna give myself the gift of time and space. And I think these one time investments can prevent the like financial spiral that you feel sometimes and kind of give you an idea of like, testing, what does it look like if we do this?

[00:17:39] Tiffany Sauder: When I think about what to outsource, I use a very simple framework. You know, I love them to help me make a decision on that. Number one is, am I uniquely qualified to do this task? If yes, then protect that time fiercely. If no, it belongs on the outsource list or the to be outsourced In the future list, I'm gonna remind you, you are not uniquely qualified to fold your laundry, but you are uniquely qualified to be present for your kids, and those are not the same task.

[00:18:07] Tiffany Sauder: Let's stop treating them like they are.

[00:18:09] Tiffany Sauder: I wanna leave you with this. The women who resist outsourcing the longest are usually the ones who grew up watching their moms do everything and loved them deeply for it. I see myself in that, but here's what I've had to make peace with. My mom's job, was to run the house. That was her contribution, her full-time work, and she did it with so much excellence and joy.

[00:18:37] Tiffany Sauder: Part of my job is to run a company, to raise four kids, to stay married, and to show up as a whole human being. And those are not the same job. They do not require the same support structure. I wanna remind you ladies, asking for help is not a sign that you're failing. It's a sign that you're being honest about the size of the life that you've said yes to.

[00:19:01] Tiffany Sauder: So I wanna remind you, choose your heart, choose it on purpose, and then get the help you need to do it all really well.

[00:19:10] Tiffany Sauder: if this episode landed for you, I would love it if you would share it with a woman in your life who is still doing everything and needs some encouragement to get rid of some of it. 'cause she deserves to hear this too. And if you're ready to start actually building a life that works, the systems, the decisions, the structures that make a two career household feel sustainable instead of surviving the Life of And program is where we do that work together.

[00:19:32] Tiffany Sauder: The link is in show notes. Thanks for joining us, and I'll see you next week.