A Working Parent’s Guide to Navigating Summer

Brian Kavicky [00:00:00]:
All those things start to change really, really quick. And plus, they have freedom. And that's when they really have to start making a lot of choices on their own. And not all those choices are going to be good. And what's really hard as a parent is that you need to let them make those choices in those years, because if you send them off on their own, or whether it's to college or anything else, they'll explain in their first six months of college.

Tiffany Sauder [00:00:29]:
I'm Tiffany Sauder, entrepreneur, wife, mom to four girls and a woman figuring it out just like you. If you're tired of living a life of have to and finally ready to build a life of, want to, then you're in the right place. Come on, let's go build your Life of And welcome back to the Life of And podcast. I am your host, Tiffany Sauder, and this is an episode that is kicking off a series that we're putting together that's all around how do we not just survive the summer that's coming, but really thrive in it? I feel like you guys love the content when I'm just, like, exporting and sharing exactly what I'm living in and dealing with. And no doubt you are doing the exact same thing. Just coming off of spring break as we're putting this content together and am so very aware that summer is coming very quickly. So summer is coming, and if you're a working parent, that can feel a lot less like a vacation and a lot more like we're flipping into survival mode. I found online a study of 1500 parents that was done, and they showed that 70% of them felt mentally and physically exhausted by the end of summer break.

Tiffany Sauder [00:01:39]:
And I'm embarrassed to say that sometimes that's how it feels like for me too. And too many times we're counting down the days until school starts again, is exactly why I texted Brian. You've heard him on the podcast before, Brian Kavicky from the team at Lushin. And I texted him, I said, we need to talk about this because you're having conversations I know all the time with executive leaders who are working through seasons of change. And I wanted to get his perspective on it. And the other part is he's a dad. As I, like, kind of put this question into the Internet. I had several dads raise their hands and say, like, hey, I'm struggling with that too.

Tiffany Sauder [00:02:12]:
So I wanted to get his perspective, not only as a coach to high octane leaders, but also as somebody who's, like, navigated his own 20 seasons, 20 summers with his kids at home. So the question is, how do we keep momentum at work when life at home feels like it gets complicated? And if we're not careful, it can really go off the rails. In this episode, I think in classic Brian fashion, I bring him what I think is, like, this firecracker bomb, and I'm like, oh, my word. How are we going to do with this? How are we going to deal with this? And he always just has really steady, disciplined, rational approach to how do you take the crazy out of it? And how do you get really thoughtful and disciplined and focused so that everybody gets exactly what they want? I mean, what a concept to get to the end of the summer and for it not to feel like, holy crap, we barely survived that. But what if it was like, we've freaking crushed that in the same way that you have this, like, sense of, like, heck, yeah, I just crushed my quarter. That's how I want the summer to feel, where I'm like, we did it. We executed. We had a plan.

Tiffany Sauder [00:03:23]:
We crushed it. Everybody was happy at the end. Like, we had a great time. We were present. We did the thing. It's exactly what I want our summer to feel like. And so this episode with Brian kicks off kind of this summer series of how do we get prepared? How do I share some of my own strategies and things as I've had. What's.

Tiffany Sauder [00:03:42]:
My oldest is 16. 16 summers. As a working parent, I've done it really poorly, and I think each year we get better at it. So we're going to talk about how do you just stay consistent when the routines get wiped out and how do you put routines back in place? How do you deal with some fomo? I get that really bad when the kids are doing fun stuff, and I feel like I'm kind of, like, locked behind my computer or doing stuff. How do we get out from underneath the shoulds of summer? What should summer look like? What should we be as a parent? What should we be doing with our time? And how do we replace that should with our own sense of values and priorities? And how do we put structure in place in an environment where sometimes summer can be structureless? And maybe that structure less environment is not really serving any of us. So we talk about all that stuff. Brian is also a dad to two grownish kids. I'll say they're 20 and 22.

Tiffany Sauder [00:04:37]:
And I always like to crystal ball what's coming. My oldest is 16, and so he shares, I feel like, just some really thoughtful tips about how to make your house the Cool house and how to stay connected to your kids even when they're out of the house. So listen in on this awesome episode with Brian Kavicky. Brian, thanks so much for joining me today, though. Big question I think we all have is how do we build a summer that everybody is going to love?

Brian Kavicky [00:05:04]:
So it starts with, what do you want big picture for your kids to experience? What kind of example do I want to set? What do I want them to learn from me? What do I want them to take into their life? What bad habits do I not want them to adopt? And making those decisions of what that is for? For me, it was, I want my kids to see that I work hard and I also don't have to work hard. I want them to see what an income can bring. I want them to see how I manage lots of different things and don't let it interfere. So once I committed to all those things, I structured things like when my kids were young, it was, they're going to bed at 9 o'clock. I'll just work from 9 to 10:30 to set up my day instead of doing it in the middle when they have all their activities or whatever. So it's, I'm structuring things so that they get to see the things that I want them to so I can be an example. And the things that I don't want to affect them negatively, I do outside of their view because I don't. I don't want them to take that with them.

Brian Kavicky [00:06:08]:
Does that make sense?

Tiffany Sauder [00:06:09]:
I think so. I think so. I think what you're saying is you moved like the dominoes around so that those things that needed to fit in, I don't know, core hours could. And you could move other things outside of those so that you were available for your kids.

Brian Kavicky [00:06:23]:
Yeah, and my kids also set personal goals for themselves. They also. We also decided together what we were going to do. We all sat down in summer planning meetings and said, okay, we have all these things that we need to do. Let's figure out how to make all this work. And we did it as a group when they were, I mean, old enough, so eight's probably old enough where they can participate in that. And it's like, what are we going to do and what can happen? And not. So we weren't just sitting there as parents going, no, no, no, no.

Brian Kavicky [00:06:52]:
It was, here's the dynamics and here's when we're in town and here's when we're not. We got to do this in vacation and here's working Hours and here's when camp is so we can't schedule that. And here's the structure of a day so you know who's going to drive you to places. But it's, it's no different than in your business where you go, all right, we got this new product launch. Who's doing what, what do we need to consider? What are the obstacles in the way? What are the things that we're going to exploit, how are we going to all pitch in? It's exactly the same thing. And the more that we make it like what, where we know there's like, if what you're doing at work is not successful, don't bring it into your home and vice versa. But when it is successful, bring it in. Just call it something different.

Tiffany Sauder [00:07:38]:
So this idea of the summer planning meeting, I want to give you a six step process to really drill into that if you think it would really help your family set up for success. I like, I use priorities in, in every area of my life and we use this so hard as a family going into summer. I think this is key to getting everybody's expectations aligned. So a quick rundown of six step process to get your summer planning meeting set up well and to end this process with having like literally something published so that everybody knows what is governing our time, what we say yes to, what's getting our resources, what are the days going to look like and how do we all get through summer and feel like we won? Isn't that like the point? So okay, first thing is give everybody a three day heads up. If you get everybody on the couch and just start yelling at them, you need everybody's priorities. They're going to flip out and they're going to look at you like you have horn in your head. So don't do that. Give everybody a three day heads up at like a dinner or something and say, hey fam jam.

Tiffany Sauder [00:08:34]:
I want to set us up to have a really fun summer where we all get what we want. Will everybody think over the next three days it on a post it note, put it on your phone, whatever it looks like for you. But in three days we're going to get back together as a family and everybody's going to share what their priorities are. So start thinking about that now. So give everybody a warning. That's number one step number two is to literally write down what are the three to seven things that you want to do that you want to see, that you want to experience, places you want to go, what you want to learn, what you Want to read like times you wanted to go to the pool and, and they might need some prompts. Like, what do you mean, mom or dad by priorities? What do you mean by that? So these are some prompts that I will give them and even for myself, like, what do I want summer to look like? So your teenagers, your older kids really like probably second, third grade and above. It's kind of a individual task for them.

Tiffany Sauder [00:09:28]:
If you have younger kids, like my 4 year old, I will literally sit down with Quincy for like five minutes. She probably doesn't even have that long of an attention span. And I will draw pictures that mean what it is that she's saying to me, what she wants to do. And I will prompt her with things that I know she loves. It helps her feel important in the family and it helps me be able to show her, hey, you said you wanted these things to happen and look, we're making them happen. So I guess that's kind of step number three. If you have younger kids, sit down with them one to one. But mom, dad, whichever one of you is leading this process, don't forget that you are a customer of Summer too.

Tiffany Sauder [00:10:01]:
So don't just facilitate this process, participate in it. What is it that you want to say that you got to do that you got to experience, that you got to do that you got to like who you got to hang out with, how many times you got to, I don't know, lay out by your pool. What is it that you want to do so you also need to complete it. So number one, give everybody a three day heads up. Number two, everybody needs three to seven things that they want to do, experience, etc, you fill it out too. Number three, if you have young kids, set a small time to sit down with them and make their list with them. I act, I think it's really helpful for younger kids. The, the fourth step then is have a family meeting.

Tiffany Sauder [00:10:41]:
So get everybody back together. You can make it fun and go out for dinner, you know, sort of attach it to something like duck pin bowling or something kind of fancy. Or it can just be, hey, we're going to spend 45 minutes around the dining room table some Sunday evening, whatever you want it to look like. And this is where everybody goes around and shares what it is that they want. Like, you know, in the, like your budgeting process at work, it's kind of like the first pass is like what does, what is everything everybody could imagine spending money on. That's what this first pass of family priority priorities is. Everybody say everything that you'd like to have happen. That's this first family meeting.

Tiffany Sauder [00:11:16]:
That does not mean everything's getting approved. That does not mean everything can happen. It means I hear you, I see you and I better understand what you want. These next 8 to 12 look weeks to look like for you as a member of our family. Step five is then to have a resource meeting. It probably does not happen right there. Could happen later that evening. If you're married like I am, my husband and I will sit down with and look at this.

Tiffany Sauder [00:11:40]:
If you're a single parent and you have teenagers, you may have a resourcing meeting with them because you may say, hey, I'd love to sign you up for this camp but I don't have a way to get you there. Do you know of a friend or a buddy or like they are very enterprising the things that they want to do. They like to be real agents and figuring out how to make it happen. So if you have older kids, they, they may be a partner for you in solving. In this kind of resourcing meeting, it's like figuring out can we say yes to everything or if we're going to say no to something, how do we say no to it now so that everybody has clarity going into the summer and it doesn't become this tug of war and this like big mess of a thing. So that's the fifth step, resourcing meeting, figuring out how do we, how do we do it all? Who needs driven? How are we going to fit this together? You guys getting ahead of this will take away the micro solving that comes with every week of summer. When you wake up Tuesday morning and you still don't know how you're going to get your kid to the 10am camp, it like you didn't sleep well, you woke up worrying about it, you're stressing about it, you're texting like a crazy maniac. And it takes an enormous capacity to microsolve all day long.

Tiffany Sauder [00:12:47]:
So this might feel annoying to sit down and figure this out. And sometimes it can take us a bit like an hour and a half or so to really figure it all out. But that once it's set and you get a chance to give your drivers and give your help and give your sitters and give your carpool people a heads up that's like way far in advance. You increase the odds of it being able to happen like by so much. So that's step number five. And then six, come back to the family, say, this is everything that's been resourced and publish it, make it public. We hang ours on our fridge. We have like little initials behind them of like hey, when it happens you check it off.

Tiffany Sauder [00:13:22]:
And sometimes my husband and I will add things to our kids priorities that we want to make happen. I remember our teenagers for a couple summers it was like learn how to type. We are not going to have a hunt and peck family. People need to know how to type around here. That was one I wanted them to learn. There might be a book about like financial literacy that we want them to read. So as a parent you also can say hey, these are the things that I want you to take away from summer. These are some key things that we're teaching and training this year.

Tiffany Sauder [00:13:48]:
So that's a quick six step overview of this concept that Brian is talking about where you're, how do you set personal goals and remember even you too. And also how do you really run one of these summer planning meetings? Okay.

Brian Kavicky [00:14:04]:
Yeah.

Tiffany Sauder [00:14:04]:
So I think there's this dynamic and this is, I don't know, sometimes I just feel like I'm a better student at work than I am at home. Honestly, like I pay attention more which is embarrassing. It's just true. There's a more clear scorecard with the financial performance of things and did we close enough and all this kind of stuff. And I started to realize like if I as a leader sat inside of my organization and I said how do I keep everybody happy 100% of the time and how do I make sure that I can deliver 100 on every request? You would become empty and broke and the goals of the organization would not move forward and it would be moving in a million different directions. This just like doesn't work when you are essentially the dispenser as a leader. You have to get have a clear vision. Everybody has to understand what the compromises of resources have been, what the priorities are and how we're all working together together to make this plan happen.

Tiffany Sauder [00:14:56]:
And I realized the exact same thing needed to happen inside of my home when we were in these season because school brings structure. There's a certain time that the bus comes, which means there's a certain time that we have to get up, which means there's a certain amount of time that we have to eat breakfast, which means there's a certain time by which we have to get dressed. There's a certain time by which we have to go to bed. There's a certain time by which we do everything. And so school inherently creates this environment where there's shared expectations of the structure is like, this is what we're going to do. This is what time we're going to get up. This is where mom is going to be at this time. Like, they just know.

Tiffany Sauder [00:15:28]:
And then we have this season of summer that has, for many of us, just no natural structure to it. And so I realize if I don't bring that into it and explain to the kids, this is the time by which we will be dressed. This is the time by which we will have breakfast. This is the time by which the dishwasher will be unloaded. If I don't put those things in place, it becomes this amoeba of time where then I am pulled in a million different directions because nothing has a compartment to it. So they don't know when I'm working. I don't know when they're going to need me. And there's this, like, chaos and missed expectations and frustration.

Tiffany Sauder [00:16:07]:
Instead of us, like, setting up some structure, I'm going to have an episode that literally has like, 12 different things that I do for my. To make things visible, to get agreements in place. It's the exact same thing that we do in our business lives, naturally. And I think. But it takes some muscle to make that structure where there isn't one.

Brian Kavicky [00:16:29]:
Does it take muscle or does it feel like we shouldn't meet it? My observation is it's not a lot of change. It's the fact that we never thought to use it in our home environment.

Tiffany Sauder [00:16:40]:
Well, I think there can be this thing of, like, it's the summer the kids should sleep in. Like, let's take it easy. And I'm like, I don't know. I was like, I never feel good when I sleep until 10:30 every single day for eight weeks. So I'm like, I'm calling it. Like, we're not doing that, friends. On Friday mornings, you can sleep in. That's your day.

Tiffany Sauder [00:16:56]:
But the rest of it, we're getting up, we're getting at it. We're contributors to society. This is not the way life works. You don't just get to, like, be an oaf for all summer long.

Brian Kavicky [00:17:04]:
But you said should, like, four times what I said it should. It's summer, so we should be able to stay up late. We should be like, who gave you those shoulds? Like, somebody did.

Tiffany Sauder [00:17:16]:
I feel like if you look up summer, that's like, the thing. Who are the people that I'm speaking to in my brain, in the abstract? The people.

Brian Kavicky [00:17:27]:
Well, and a lot of that's kind of how we grew up, was Summer was this freedom time for me. That was my parents said, be home in time for dinner. And I was gone out the door. And I don't think they knew where I was, what I was doing or anything. And we had that today. It's not the same. That's not how kids are. That's not the environment we're in.

Brian Kavicky [00:17:50]:
Parents have decided I need to know, I need to over program, I need to have all these things scheduled. I need to have 14 activities that they're in. It's just very different choices. But we still have that pull of I thought this was what it was supposed to be, but that's not what it was, it's just what we've decided to make it.

Tiffany Sauder [00:18:10]:
So how can we replace our own expectations and our own definitions with what should be or what we experience as kids to like having a really clear agreement and understanding for our kids and families today in the world in 2025 as it exists? Because what I hear parents say is if I don't have something scheduled, I lose my kids to their screens in some way. Video games or their iPad or TikTok or whatever the thing is. And so how do we do that? I mean, we can't go back to, you know, 1986. It's just that's not where we are. We have to navigate the world in which we're in right now. And so how do we reset expectations for our families? Our own programming, like what, what is. I don't like, literally, what does that look like?

Brian Kavicky [00:18:58]:
It goes back to where we started is that you have to sit down and say, here's what matters. Like, here's what I want my kids summer to look like. Here's what I want them to get out of this time. Here's what structure I'm going to use to get there. So if you go, you know what? I don't want my kids to be spending time on their screens, then you better come up with things that they would rather do than be in their screens. Because if you don't, they're going to go, but I'd rather be in my screen. If you want them to be outside, then you better structure things so that they're going to be outside all the time. But you have to make those decisions.

Brian Kavicky [00:19:35]:
When you were going through the. If my employees said your job is to make me happy, then nothing advances. It's the same thing of what our kids and our families think is going to make them happy isn't always what is. So I need to put the boundaries around those things and say, no, here's what it's going to look like. This is what it's going to be. This is how we're going to navigate this time frame and then put all the structure in place to make that happen. But you got. You have to start with your goal and objective and what's important.

Tiffany Sauder [00:20:05]:
The other thing I found, and I'll probably put this in my episode where I just dump things that have worked for me but is getting my kids outside of their own needs and wants and luxuries. And we have a nursing home that's like two miles from our house. And if they get bored, I'll be like, you need to make 50. And I have girls, so this works. But, like, make 50 cards and we will drive them over there. Like, you can go bless somebody else's day or let's make cookies for the workers. Like, destroy the kitchen. Let's get a bunch of sugar, flour and do the thing and ice them and they look terrible, but whatever.

Tiffany Sauder [00:20:39]:
Like, let's go bless somebody else and give them something creative to do that then isn't about them. And I find, like, that works really well too. Like getting them out of their own space and bubble and I don't know.

Brian Kavicky [00:20:51]:
Yeah, but it goes with the theme of I'm setting up the summer to make sure my kids get their needs met. So part of that is going to be we use that time to make sure that somebody else's needs are met. You're focusing on. Everybody's focusing on what is best for others. Everybody's okay.

Tiffany Sauder [00:21:07]:
Hey there, podcast listeners. It is no exaggeration to say that the work my companies and I have done with Brian and his team at Lushin have been absolutely game changing. I would not be where I am today without their experience and guidance. If you're struggling to grow your business, your profits, or grow your people, or maybe your business is growing, but it just isn't getting you personally to where you want to be. You have got to schedule time. Give Brian one hour of your life, and I promise that you will see the way forward a little bit more clearly. If you're interested in scheduling, there's a link in Show Notes. I promise it will help.

Tiffany Sauder [00:21:46]:
I want to take a quick moment to thank my partners at Share Your Genius. For the past four years, they have been an incredible part of my journey behind the microphone. Share Your Genius is a content and podcast production agency that helps leaders and brands bring their message to life. So whether you're trying to find your voice, develop a Content strategy or get your leader behind a microphone. They're going to help you make it simple, strategic and impactful. How do you become the house that kids want to be at? You said the kids were always coming to my house. How do you become, what's the secret to becoming the house kids want to be at?

Brian Kavicky [00:22:19]:
So when I was a kid, I never wanted people to come to my house. I just didn't want it. There was nothing like I wanted to go everywhere else because everybody else had the fun stuff or they had the activities, they had the yard or you know, their, their environment was like eat all our food and do that stuff. So when My son was 1 or 2 and I hadn't had my daughter, I told my wife, this is going to be the house where people come. So our basement was set up with pool table, ping pong, foosball, you know, movie room, all of those things so that it was a space that was away from the house so they could have a bunch of friends and it didn't bother anything. And then on top of it, it was the refrigerator, had the drinks, the food, all of those things. I mean it, it got to the point where, especially in high school where kids were mobile is, we would come home and there'd be kids sitting on our couch and nobody was home, eating food, going, I just needed to hang out for a little bit and have a snack and then I'll leave and like no, no, you could stay. Nobody was even home because it was the safe place, it was the fun place.

Brian Kavicky [00:23:25]:
They didn't get judged when they talked about their problems. We sat and listened. But it was also a place where they could do fun things and have fun, fun activities and all that stuff. But you once again you have to commit to it and say we're going to build the space that allows them to do that and that they want to and fill the fridge with all the stuff they want to have.

Tiffany Sauder [00:23:46]:
How did you read the room of knowing when to go down and stay and like listen to their problems and be a consistent adult for them and when to like, you know, like no, like you know, this isn't this. They just want to hang out and do their thing. They don't want a parent around right now. Not because they're doing thing nefarious, just, you know, they're just being kids. How, how did you, I think know that?

Brian Kavicky [00:24:11]:
So, so kids will get quiet. Like they'll. It's quiet to restore energy and there's quiet to withdraw and when there's quiet to restore energy Whether it's they're walking around the house or they're sitting on the couch watching a show doing nothing, those are great times because they're not, they're not there withdrawing, they're just recharging. And you can go, hey, what's going on with you? What's new in your world? How are things going? And you just invite the conversation. And then they all kind of look at each other. And then my daughter would look and go tell them. And then they say, oh, this is what's going on, blah, blah. And then you just.

Brian Kavicky [00:24:49]:
Because as soon as they open the door or they hit like, well, things could be better. What's going on? And you just. I think people display little cues that we sense that say, please ask me about this. And when you find that and you're going, they're bringing this to me, even if it's light, to just lean in and ask them about it. And they want to unload, they want to talk about it. And the key is, I'm not going to judge them. I'm going to listen, I'm going to ask them if they want advice, I'm going to give them advice, but I'm not going to judge them. And that's what gives them safety, is that even if they mess up, they're.

Brian Kavicky [00:25:25]:
They're not being judged for that. They're admitting the mess up. And they're saying, so now what do I do? Whether it's a relationship issue or a parent issue or I did a dumb thing at school issue, it's like, well, you know, that was dumb, but let's move on. What are you going to do to fix it? And that kind of stuff.

Tiffany Sauder [00:25:40]:
I feel like we've done a good job of being the house the kids want to be at, but I don't feel like I've quite figured out that bridge, like what you're talking about where they. Not that I'm like, you know, trying to become the wisdom fairy or something, but where they just engage in a way that's not just like, hey, thanks for the snacks and for letting us have over come over, but like really having a relationship with them. So.

Brian Kavicky [00:26:01]:
But do they ever wander into the space that you're at?

Tiffany Sauder [00:26:04]:
Some of them do.

Brian Kavicky [00:26:05]:
That is when the moment is when they wander and linger. That's when they want to be engaged, when they come to you, but they haven't actually fully. That. That is where it's at.

Tiffany Sauder [00:26:15]:
Okay, that's actually a great clue. It's a great clue. Okay, let's talk about just kind of your view. Let's move from the conceptual. It's like your view as a dad. One dad wrote in and said, hey, you know, I feel like I'm working all week long and then I have yard work all weekend long. Like, how do I not just feel like I'm the yard man for the summer, but have time to engage with my kids? Another's a single dad that said, you know, it's like, some days I have them, some days I don't, and how do I make sure that my kids are engaged? I don't know. What's it feel like as a dad in the summertime when you've got kids and you're trying to do all the things?

Brian Kavicky [00:26:49]:
So I found that it was best to ask them if they wanted to participate and then be okay if they said no. So if it was yard work, you know, I would say things like, hey, I'm going to mow the yard. Does anybody want to learn how to do the trimming? I'll show you how to do the trimming. We can do it together. It'll be faster. And you know, 80% of the time it would be, no, I just want to sit here and do this. But they eventually will and they'll want, they want to do things with you and they want to spend time and they want to learn those things. It's like, you see little two and three year olds with a little plastic lawnmower following their dad around the yard.

Brian Kavicky [00:27:27]:
And we think, oh, they grew out of that stage. No, they never really did. We just were engaging them and making it as easy for them as we did when they were little. Because when they were little it was cute. Now it's, well, I got work to do and I don't want them in my way, but they still want that. So get them involved in all the stuff you have to do and show, like laundry stuff or I need to fix this light switch or, you know, all these little things. Just ask them if they want to see how you're doing it or learn from it. And if they say not really, they, they will.

Brian Kavicky [00:28:03]:
And then if they say, no, I want to do this, then you go, well, I'd love to do that with you. As soon as I'm done mowing the yard, can we do that? And they'll be like, oh yeah, because be interested in their stuff as well. Like if you don't know, like why your kids love the video games or are reading the books or any of those things, you can't engage. You can't expect them to care about what you're doing or watch you do it if you're not watching or caring about what they're doing.

Tiffany Sauder [00:28:29]:
That's such good advice. Okay, so last thing, your kids are 20 and 22 right now, which is beyond the horizon for me because my oldest is 16. So, like, what's it look like in summer or just in life with kids this age? What are the things that you're dealing with? What's easier, what's harder? Give me a crystal ball of what it looks like.

Brian Kavicky [00:28:49]:
So I'll give you the. The bad news first, and then I'll give you the good news.

Tiffany Sauder [00:28:53]:
Classic Brian.

Brian Kavicky [00:28:54]:
Yeah. The bad news is, is that I think after the driver's license thing, things get a little bit harder than you thought. Like, if you have a teenager and you're like, oh, this is easier than I thought it would be, it's a little bit harder. Going into their junior and senior year because the influence goes up. The stereotypes go up, the visibility goes up, the age, the hormones. All those things start to change really, really quick. And plus, they have freedom. And that's when they really have to start making a lot of choices on their own.

Brian Kavicky [00:29:29]:
And not all those choices are going to be good. And what's really hard as a parent is that you need to let them make those choices in those years, because if you send them off on their own or whether it's to college or anything else, they'll explode. In their first six months of college, I remember my son going, oh, my gosh, I'm glad you guys didn't do this with me. Me. Because these kids are flunking out of school and failing because they've been so restricted in their decision making that they now have to have consequences that are far worse. So you get to go through that phase and just have faith that every little bad decision will lead to a lesson learned, where they'll go, I'm not doing that again. And it happens very quickly. And even though their grades might drop or they get lazy or any of those things, the good news is it does work out and they come back.

Brian Kavicky [00:30:21]:
What I thought was shocking is that, you know, as much as they distance themselves in those last years of high school, going to college, they engage more than I could have ever imagined. I mean, my son called both of us every day when he was at college. Not because he was homesick. It was because he wanted to share what was going on with his day, get his perspective. My daughter does the same thing. I mean, I never FaceTime my daughter for anything, and she's like, hey, I need to get you on face. I got these questions for you. So the relationship changes where you're not the parents anymore.

Brian Kavicky [00:30:59]:
You're the. The friend, the person. I want to let know what's going on, all of those things. And that's a pretty cool stage to be in because you're actually more involved when every parent's worried. Like, when I send my kids off to school, you know, it's the end for me. Oh, no, no. It's actually just the beginning. And they're going to engage you a lot more than you're used to, which is.

Brian Kavicky [00:31:20]:
I would not have expected that.

Tiffany Sauder [00:31:21]:
Yeah, that's exciting. My daughter gets her license tomorrow, so we are. We are on the front end.

Brian Kavicky [00:31:27]:
Life360 all loaded up.

Tiffany Sauder [00:31:29]:
And I don't. But I hear that's a good app. I should probably download that tonight.

Brian Kavicky [00:31:34]:
So what's. What's crazy is when my son and daughter went on their first drive, like, we had it on going, okay, we're just waiting for a little accident light or any of those things to make. Make sure they got to their destination or whatever. They will. If we said, hey, we're going to take this down. Even as they've been in college, they would not let us. Like, they. There's no hiding of their position.

Brian Kavicky [00:31:56]:
There's no, I don't want you. It's on all the time, and they don't want it off.

Tiffany Sauder [00:32:01]:
It makes them feel connected to you for you to know where they are.

Brian Kavicky [00:32:04]:
Yeah. I mean, I don't know that I would want that, but they do. And that was not something that I expected. I'm like, okay, want to broadcast that they want us to know and all those things. And that's great.

Tiffany Sauder [00:32:19]:
So I am in the middle. Well, I guess one could say in the first inning of really practicing this idea of, like, giving your teenagers control. Aubrey's going to be a junior next year. She just got her license. And you want to see what choices and decisions they make when you're not watching. After this episode with Brian, when I recorded with him, we did all the Things and downloaded Life3:60 and installed, like, all the things in my daughter. She said, said, mom, you're gonna hate this. I was like, what do you mean I'm gonna hate it? I feel like responsible parents have this.

Tiffany Sauder [00:32:48]:
Like, she goes, mom, you're gonna hate it. I was like, okay, well, let's just try it. Let's try it for, like, two weeks. Well, it lasted for like 30 hours in our house. It like dings all the time, tells you where they're at. Like they, Aubrey just left the house. Aubrey just arrived at school. Aubry just left school.

Tiffany Sauder [00:33:02]:
Aubry just arrived at the grocery store. Aubrey just. I was like, oh my gosh, this is a thousand alerts. Then the other thing, maybe this is a setting you can change, but it also alerts them every time you have risky driving. So the first day my daughter sends me a screenshot and says, mom, you had four risky driving events on your way to the office today. And I was like, oh no, we have to delete this thing. And then she replied again and she said, and you had five on the way home. So I don't know.

Tiffany Sauder [00:33:28]:
We deleted the app. The Life360 is not the thing for us. And I and Brian het, if you listen to him, he said, my kids wanted this. I really want them to feel this idea of independence. And one of the things I'm focusing on this summer with Aubry, my 16 year old, is I want her to be able to make good decisions when she's tired, when she's scared, when she's stressed, when she's under resourced, when it's raining, when she doesn't know where she's going. Because that's practicing for life. Like that's how it is as a grownup. You have to make really big choices when you're in these less than ideal states.

Tiffany Sauder [00:34:02]:
And so I want her to practice that at 16. Now I realize her brain is not as formed as it's going to be eventually, but I want her to practice that now. So we're not a life360 family. And I, I'm really trying hard this summer to give her space and to let her be tired and to not tell her to go to bed and to let her over program herself and to do those things so that she can learn. Because that's how we get better at life. That's awesome. I feel like this is like classic Brian Kaviki conversation where it's like, hey, I've got like the worst thing ever that I'm gonna bring to you. And it's like literally gonna be the thing that takes me down.

Tiffany Sauder [00:34:41]:
And you're like, it's not that big of a deal. Like, it's just a few simple steps. Do this over and over again and commit to it and it's gonna be fine. Brian's wisdom is always equal parts practical and profound, reminding us that we already know how to build plans and lead through change. We just need to apply those same skills at home. Whether it's publishing a family calendar, setting clear expectations with your kids, or just asking them what matters most, you can create a summer where everyone, including you, gets what they need. So if you haven't already, schedule that family meeting. Ask your kids what they want to get out of summer and what and write down what you want to get out of this season.

Tiffany Sauder [00:35:22]:
Because remember, it's your summer too. Thanks for joining us and as always, we'll see you next time on the Life of And if you've added value or if this episode has added value to your life, I would love it if you would share it with your friend. It's the best way that this podcast can grow and I would be forever grateful. Thanks so much for listening. Thanks for listening to the Life of And this is your weekly reminder to keep making bold choices, saying clear yeses, and holding space for what matters most. As always, if you like this episode, I'd love for you to drop a review and share it with your friend. It's the fastest way that we can grow the show. Thanks for joining us.

Tiffany Sauder [00:35:58]:
I'll see you next time.