307: Life of And: The 3 Circles That Change Everything

[00:00:00] Tiffany Sauder: When we talk about building our Life of And it's how do I make sure that I, from a values perspective, show up well in the circles that I most naturally serve? How do I define priorities and behaviors that make sure that I can stay also inside of the circle that I starve, so that you can live completely inside of your life?

[00:00:19] Tiffany Sauder: And what will happen when we create an army of women who are saying, I feel complete and whole life is not perfect. I've certainly designed a life where I feel grateful and comfortable with the way I'm showing up for my family, and I feel challenged by the way I am showing up for the outside world. I'm here to tell you it's possible.

[00:00:39] Tiffany Sauder: I'm Tiffany Sauder, entrepreneur, wife, mom to four girls and a woman figuring it out just like you. Come on, let's go. Build your Life of And. Hi, I am Tiffany Der. Welcome back to another episode of The Life of And Podcast. The episode you're about ready to hear is a compilation from a presentation that I gave a couple of weeks ago as part of the Life of And program.

[00:01:05] Tiffany Sauder: It's a structured program to help women's groups, ERGs, or you as an individual if you wanna just go through it on your own quarterly, get a dose of Life of And to help you implement it and to help you walk into a life that you love, not a life that you're just surviving. So I realized two things. One, you may want an idea of what is the kind of content that I'm presenting inside of this experience.

[00:01:29] Tiffany Sauder: And so we put this episode together as a way to help you better understand that. And secondly, I'm living the life of a creator, and that is if you create content, use it more than one time. So we thought it would be smart to also turn this into kind of a. Snippet of the content into a podcast episode, so I know you're gonna get tons of value from it.

[00:01:49] Tiffany Sauder: This is one of the topics that is just nearest to my heart right now, and I'm excited to share it with you in this format. If you're interested in joining us in the program or taking a look, go take a look at the link show notes, tiffany sdo.com/program, and we would love to chat with you more about what it looks like or this pricing and overviews and all those kinds of things.

[00:02:12] Tiffany Sauder: We've gotten amazing feedback on it. Thank you to those of you who are listening to this that joined us. We had such a great time with those of you who joined us live, so thanks for listening and uh, we'll talk soon. Alright, let's listen in. Hi, my name is Tiffany Sauder and I am the founder of the Life of And Project.

[00:02:28] Tiffany Sauder: This whole effort was born from my own lived experience of getting to a place where life just felt like. Too much. I was an entrepreneur at the age of 25 and spent 20 years building an agency, and in that period of time, my husband and I had four daughters, 11 years apart. My husband has a gigantic career that requires him to travel quite a bit, and I want a lot out of life.

[00:02:52] Tiffany Sauder: We both do. We're both firstborns who push really, really hard. In 2019, life came crashing down. All of the achieving and the striving and the pushing. Then making and the creating and the leading got to a place where our life felt like a desert. Our marriage was at a place where it was on life support.

[00:03:12] Tiffany Sauder: The business that I had been leading for 15 years was going through some really hard times. I was not proud of the way that I was showing up for my kids, and I certainly wasn't showing up for myself consistently. I remember laying in bed at night, staring at the ceiling and just saying, there has to be a better way.

[00:03:28] Tiffany Sauder: But the first thing that we think of when we think of how has to be a better way is what it is that we have to stop. What do I have to quit? Well, as I looked at all the things that I was doing, I actually couldn't quit any of them. I needed to continue to say yes to those responsibilities, but I knew I had to do it in a different way, or I was going to get lost in the process.

[00:03:46] Tiffany Sauder: And that was where the entire idea for the Life of And came from. And I wanted to be a mom and a wife, and an entrepreneur and a leader, and I wanted to do all of these things, but I had to do it in a way that it was sustainable and I had to figure out how to do that. Everything was literally at stake, was tired of using words like, I'm tired, I'm overwhelmed, I'm guilty.

[00:04:08] Tiffany Sauder: I feel behind. I feel react, like just this idea that life was dragging me through and that I was no long, I'd sort of like lost agency over how I spent my time and what was happening, and I just felt like I was in this always on demand way of being. And so I stuck my finger in the sort of proverbial well, and I was like, I have solved a lot of hard problems in my life.

[00:04:29] Tiffany Sauder: I've got to figure out how to solve for this as well. So using my own life and family as sort of patient number one. I spent several years understanding that, looking at frameworks that help me understand my life and my choices better, started to put in systems to help the most ordinary things happen much more easily and not have to sort of just micro solve all day long.

[00:04:51] Tiffany Sauder: And I started to put tools in place for accountability because I needed to show up. Well, for my family in the same way that I was showing up well for myself and my business. So I don't know if any of this feels familiar to you. I don't know if you're like me, where you're sort of mid-career and you're maxing out your impact and you've got lots of kids that are super involved and you feel like you sort of live your life and your SUV.

[00:05:13] Tiffany Sauder: Or if you're at a place where you're a new mom who's trying to figure out how to straddle this idea of. Both being a career woman and a mom at home and the way that you, that change has created a some fracture of attention and there's more tasks that have to be done. And how does all that fit together?

[00:05:31] Tiffany Sauder: And how does your spouse fit in? Or I don't know if you're a single mom who's being asked and do all of those things on your own, and there's a complexity that exists in that, or you're a young woman. Who's earlier in her career who said, man, I've worked so hard for this degree. I've so worked so hard for this job that I love.

[00:05:48] Tiffany Sauder: I'm sort of new in my leadership and I'm in a relationship and I'm looking ahead and I'm wondering how is all of it gonna fit together? How do I learn? Well now the tools that it's gonna take to be able to thrive inside as I add more ands in my life? If you are any of those women, this program is for you.

[00:06:08] Tiffany Sauder: I wish so desperately, I would've had it 15 years ago so that I didn't have to go through some of the really hard, hard, hard things my husband and I and our family have had to go through. But like so many dark seasons in our life, there's redemption that can come from them and we can learn from them.

[00:06:24] Tiffany Sauder: And I feel compelled to share what it is that I've learned so that you two have a toolbox. To navigate change, to navigate leadership, to navigate responsibility, to navigate what it takes to live in a great big Life of And when I say Life of And I mean the overlap of three circles. Think Venn diagrams where it's you, it's your family, and it's your career.

[00:06:50] Tiffany Sauder: In the very center of those three circles when all of them are. Prioritized, fed, fueled, defined in a way that feels whole and complete to you. When we do that for each of those three, and we live in the center of all three of those things being fed, that is your Life of And all of us have slightly different definitions for what each one of those circles, how they will be defined, the aspirations that we have, the goals that we have, and what we want them to look like, and that's beautiful.

[00:07:19] Tiffany Sauder: Life of And is unique to each one of us. But we all have the same definition in the sense of all three of those things are fed, fueled, and resourced, and we feel complete in the way that we're living for ourself, our family, the people around us and our careers. So let's do a little definition. When I say self, what do I mean?

[00:07:39] Tiffany Sauder: What's inside of that circle? That are the passions, hobbies, health, spiritual welfare, those things that make you feel whole and complete those friendships that make you feel complete. Those adventures that you need to go on, those things that you want to learn, those vitamins, you want to take the water you want to drink, the activity you want to have.

[00:07:59] Tiffany Sauder: That's what I mean by self. What do you need to be, feel whole and tend to and healthy. The second one is family. For many of us, that's our nuclear family. For some of us, that's our chosen family, but it's those tier one relationships that when they are whole, life feels light. If you're like me, you may have felt before where there's disconnect in those or there's discord and there's disruption in that.

[00:08:26] Tiffany Sauder: And when that's the case, life feels hard. It takes energy from us. So when I say family, I mean those tier one relationships that when those are in harmony, life feels light. And the third, I use the word career, and I think for many of us, it is literally a vocation that we do in the outside world that we are paid for.

[00:08:45] Tiffany Sauder: But it can really be any place where we're extending our time and talent into the outside world. It could be volunteering at school, it could be teaching a class at the YMCA, it could be volunteering somewhere, any place where you are. Using your time and talent into the outside world. That's what I mean by career.

[00:09:05] Tiffany Sauder: So when each one of those areas are fed and we feel whole and complete, we can live in the center and that's our Life of And. When I say we're gonna live in our Life of And the thing that should come to mind is this Venn diagram, your definition in those circles and what it feels like to live in the center.

[00:09:23] Tiffany Sauder: I wanna take a quick moment to thank my partners at Share Your Genius. For the past four years, they have been an incredible part of my journey. Behind the Microphone, share Your Genius is a content and podcast production agency that helps leaders and brands bring their message to life. So whether you're trying to find your voice, develop a content strategy, or get your leader behind a micro.

[00:09:42] Tiffany Sauder: Phone, they're gonna help you make it simple, strategic and impactful. But what happens when we're not living inside of this life of ant? Well, I think there's one circle that all of us most naturally starve. And when that happens, we starve one circle. We end up in one of these three places in the Venn diagram, and I call these our unbalanced character.

[00:10:09] Tiffany Sauder: Would we get out of balance? Balance can be synonymous with Life of And when we get out of balance, then we literally become this character. It takes over our tone of voice, the words we choose, sometimes our body language. And this character takes over and there are three unbalanced characters. The first one is the grumpy servant, and this is when self is starved.

[00:10:33] Tiffany Sauder: But career and family are fed. So those things external to us, we do an amazing job of making sure everything is done. Every lunch is packed, every email is responded to, every meeting is attended, everything in the outside world is done and tidy. We're showing up lickety split. But what we are often sacrificing to be able to do that is ourself, the time it takes.

[00:10:57] Tiffany Sauder: To really make sure that we feel seen and present and heard in our own lives, and when that happens, when we starve of self, we become the grumpy servant. That's the first unbalanced character. Some of you watching this may say, oh my word. That's totally me. Let's look at the other two. When self and career are the things that are fed and family is naturally starved, this is the lonely achiever.

[00:11:23] Tiffany Sauder: So really good at the disciplines of getting up and working out and take care of themselves. Maybe relationships with friends, connecting with those things that make 'em feel whole, maybe going on, um, trips that. You know, support adventures and also really show up well in their jobs, but can get disconnected if they're not careful from those tier one relationships, perhaps from family where it feels like you're just visiting or those relationships don't feel intimate and connected, or they have a hard time knowing how to put that kind of time on the calendar and, and sort of finding peace for connection.

[00:11:57] Tiffany Sauder: The lonely achiever feels like they're out in the world slaying dragons, but there's no one at home that cares, and they start to feel very lonely and disconnected. The third one is the fearful loyalist, and this is when self and family are most naturally fed. Career is starved or feels very scary. The fearful loyalist is stuck between potential and comfort.

[00:12:20] Tiffany Sauder: It's like they're on this teeter-totter of, do I stay comfortable or do I go out and sort of capitalize on my potential? They are always sort of stuck at that fulcrum of going nowhere. And so they are really good at taking care of themselves and they're really good at being there for their family. But anytime they think about crossing the threshold into outside volunteering somewhere or getting a part-time job, maybe starting a new career, going back to school, all of that, it's like they're like right on the edge of almost always, but never actually leak.

[00:12:52] Tiffany Sauder: That's the fearful loyalist. Let's look one step further and say, well. Actually, there's three other places that we could live, and that is when we're only in one circle. If we're only in self, that's narcissistic. If we're only in career, that's workaholic. And if we're only in family, then that's codependence.

[00:13:12] Tiffany Sauder: So when I first drew this out for myself, I realized, holy crap, there's only one healthy place to live. Inside of our Life of And inside the overlap of those three circles. Anytime I fall out of that place, I'm in somewhere less healthy. When I was able to see that, I started saying, well, I can take agency over this.

[00:13:34] Tiffany Sauder: I can change the way that this looks. What I want you to pay attention to is where do you end up? When you're defaulting to your behavior versus working to stay inside your Life of And. For me, it's the grumpy servant. When I'm not paying too attention to my life, I totally sacrifice time for myself, for other people.

[00:13:51] Tiffany Sauder: I fall into a grumpy servant. I stomp around the house and around my life, and I become a totally dark, stormy cloud to everyone and everything around me. I want you to pay attention to which one it is that you most naturally starve, because that's where we're gonna need to do some work. When we talk about building our Life of And.

[00:14:08] Tiffany Sauder: It is, how do I make sure that I, from a values perspective, show up well in the circles that I most naturally serve? And also how do I define priorities and behaviors that make sure that I can stay also inside of the circle that I starve, so that you can live completely inside of your Life of And what will happen when we create an army of women who are saying, I feel complete and whole life is not perfect.

[00:14:34] Tiffany Sauder: But I've certainly designed a life where I feel present in my life. I felt grateful. Feeling comfortable with the way I'm showing up for my family and I feel challenged by the way I'm showing up for the outside world. I'm here to tell you it's possible when those three things are understood and they are fed and they are fueled and they are resourced, intersection of that Venn diagram in the very center.

[00:14:55] Tiffany Sauder: That's our Life of And where I feel seen and whole in my life, where I'm proud of the effort I'm giving my family and my spousal relationship, your partner relationship, and I'm proud. And feel fulfilled in the way that I'm serving the outside world through my career when all of those things are happening.

[00:15:11] Tiffany Sauder: That's our Life of And, and each of our definition for that is different. And that's beautiful and amazing. I'm not trying to help you build my Life of And I'm trying to help you build your Life of And you may be wondering how is this different from other programs that might be available? Well, this isn't just about your career and it's not just about personal development, and it's not just about how to show up well for your family.

[00:15:35] Tiffany Sauder: It's the convergence, the collision that happens when all three of those things have to happen at the exact same time. That's the complexity that we're asked to navigate as working women. So if you're in a place of leadership, of caregiving, in a relationship where you feel like you're pulled in a lot of different directions and all you're doing is pouring yourself out and you don't know how to make yourself a customer in your own life.

[00:16:01] Tiffany Sauder: The Life of And program is here to help you with that. If you're trying to move from chaos to connection, if you're trying to move from reactive to proactive, if you're trying to move from microso to feeling like you actually can do your day. If you're trying to move from feeling guilty to feeling confident in the choices that you've made, the Life of And program is for you.

[00:16:22] Tiffany Sauder: It's a series of frameworks of systems and accountability to help you. Build the life that you know in your heart, your inner knower, those dreams that you have are not random. You're supposed to be living that life, but there's a complexity to being able to actually get there that I think we don't have the toolbox to do, and that is why I've developed the Life of Band program.

[00:16:43] Tiffany Sauder: If any of this resonates with you, if you feel any of these things at all in your life, I would love for you to join us as we step into the Life of And program. Here's what it looks like quarterly. You'll be able to log in to a virtual session and join me as I share principles, frameworks, and tools to help you build and step into your own Life of And.

[00:17:03] Tiffany Sauder: I'll teach after that session. There's supplemental resources, a discussion guide that help you with worksheets to be able to apply it to your own life discussion if you're going through it with a group where you guys can dig deeper into the content together. Supplemental resources like podcasts or books that I recommend to help you grasp and understand the things that we need to be able to do well, to live in a crazy big world and life and build your life.

[00:17:31] Tiffany Sauder: And in addition to that, you'll also have lifetime access to my Life of And academy, and that's my virtual course. Think of it like a digital textbook that has all of the frameworks, all of the programs, all of the tips. If you wanna go into the deep end of this, you have access to it right off the bat.

[00:17:50] Tiffany Sauder: You can go through that by yourself. You can access the videos on demand so that you can go and build and understand the entire framework if you want to. So if you wanna stay in the shallow end with me and just dial in quarterly, amazing, you'll get encouraged and some tips that you can put in your pocket.

[00:18:03] Tiffany Sauder: If you wanna go all the way into the deep end, you can go through the Life of And academy on your own or with a group. So this is what the Life of And program is. The commitment is about an hour to two hours a quarter. If you wanna go through the virtual program and then do some supplemental work on your own.

[00:18:20] Tiffany Sauder: Obviously it can be more than that. If you want to dive deeper into it, if you're interested in joining, I would just love it if you would. We are spending, I don't know, I'm working so hard to not only share what happened, what I've learned from my past. Also to publish to you. What I'm learning from my present as my kids move into New Seasons, as I mentor and work with women who are in different seasons of mine, we wanna share what it is that we're learning because what an amazing army of potential we unleash.

[00:18:49] Tiffany Sauder: If we change the narrative of the working woman to not say, I'm tired and I'm overwhelmed and I feel guilty, and Oh my word, me too. But we say, I feel joyous and I feel like I have agency over my choices and I know exactly what I was put on earth to do, and I have the confidence that I know how to build that life, not only for myself, but for my family and my team.

[00:19:09] Tiffany Sauder: That my priorities and theirs can coexist. My life has proved positive that this can happen, and I'm here to walk alongside you so that you can build your own Life of And I hope you'll join me. Thanks for listening to the Life of And this is your weekly reminder to keep making bold choices, saying clear yeses and holding space for what matters most.

[00:19:31] Tiffany Sauder: As always, if you like this episode, I'd love for you to drop a review and share it with your friend. It's the fastest way that we can grow the show. Thanks for joining us. I'll see you next time.