“I like how it looks… but I’m scared to do it.”
We’d been out for a couple-mile bike ride, the kind where the air is a little sharp and everyone ends up rosy-cheeked and proud of themselves. When we rolled back into the garage, my five-year-old looked up at me and said—very plainly, like it was a simple fact:
“Mom… I like how it looks to ride a bike with no training wheels, but I’m scared to do it.”
I literally stopped walking.
Because that sentence doesn’t belong only in a garage with a tiny bike and cold fingers and a kid who’s trying to keep up with her big sister.
That sentence shows up everywhere.
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I like how it looks to be confident… but I’m scared to put myself out there.
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I like how it looks to be healthy… but I’m scared to change what I’ve always done.
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I like how it looks to build something big… but I’m scared to risk failing.
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I like how it looks to have peace… but I’m scared to disappoint people to get it.
And if I’m honest, I’ve got a few goals going into 2026 that I’ve written down for years. Same goals. Same handwriting. Same “this is the year” energy. And yet… still elusive.
So when my daughter said that, it landed like a mirror.
The bike story (and why it matters)
For Christmas, we got bikes for our third and fourth daughters. (Side note: we bought Guardian bikes and I’m not being paid to say this—they’re just brilliantly designed. Safer braking, kid-friendly hand brakes from the smallest size… truly thoughtful engineering.)
We’ve moved into a neighborhood with sidewalks, and my girls are finally at that age where I want them to be able to be “neighborhood kids”—riding around, building independence, feeling capable.
Here’s the setup:
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My ten-year-old rides confidently without training wheels.
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My five-year-old can ride… but only with training wheels.
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And because birth order is birth order, the little one is always trying to keep up.
At first, we gave her bike without training wheels because my dad insisted: “Don’t put them on. She’ll learn faster if she has to.”
And listen—he was right.
But I got tired. I got cold. I got over the awkward sweating-and-hunched-over coaching thing. So I put the training wheels on.
Which meant she could ride… but not freely.
Training wheels let her move, but they also limit her:
That’s what made her say it: she wants the freedom, the speed, the “look” of the thing—but she doesn’t yet trust herself in it.
And honestly? That is adulthood in a sentence.
The threshold moment
Here’s what I realized: there’s a moment—right before growth—where we stand at a threshold.
We can see the life we want.
We can picture the version of ourselves we’d like to become.
We can even admire it from a safe distance.
But to actually step into it? That requires the part we don’t love: the awkward middle.
The part where:
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you go slower before you go faster,
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you look inexperienced before you look capable,
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you feel wobbly before you feel steady,
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you risk falling before you can ride.
My daughter doesn’t have “proof” yet that she can do it without training wheels. She has to trust before she experiences success.
And that’s the rub, isn’t it?
So many of us want the result—but we don’t want the vulnerable beginning.
We want to skip the part where it costs us comfort, predictability, or approval.
We want to look like someone who can ride… without having to learn how to balance.
The reframe that changes everything
After she said, “I like how it looks… but I’m scared,” I started wondering:
What if the sentence isn’t meant to end there?
What if the reframe is this:
“I like how it looks… how do I do it?”
Because “I’m scared” is a dead end if we treat it like a stop sign.
But “How do I do it?” turns fear into a problem we can solve.
It invites coaching.
It invites practice.
It invites a plan.
It invites small steps.
It invites support.
If my daughter had said, “Mom, I like how it looks—how do I do it?” I would’ve responded completely differently. Not with a pep talk. Not with pressure. With a pathway.
And that’s what I think we need as we step into 2026.
Not more shame about what we haven’t done.
Not more big declarations that evaporate by mid-January.
But an honest recognition of where we are standing:
Am I at a threshold?
Am I looking at something I want… and calling it “scary” instead of calling it “new”?
If you’re stepping into 2026 and feeling behind…
A lot of people abandon their New Year’s goals quickly (and honestly, I don’t care about the statistic as much as I care about what’s underneath it).
What I care about is this: inside all of us is something that wants to grow.
But when life gets busy…
When we feel tired…
When we feel overwhelmed…
When we stop believing we have any capacity to change…
We start settling.
We stop expecting more.
We stop trying.
And I don’t think that’s how we’re meant to live.
So here’s a question to take with you:
What’s the thing you “like how it looks” to have—but you’re scared to do?
Now, rewrite the sentence:
“I like how it looks to _______. How do I do it?”
And then—this is key—don’t answer it with a massive life overhaul.
Answer it with one small, practical next step:
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a conversation you’ve been avoiding,
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a routine you can actually sustain,
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a boundary you can practice once,
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a skill you can learn imperfectly,
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a coach/community you can lean on.
Because it is so much less scary to do scary things when you’re not alone.
And the truth is: the training wheels come off one choice at a time.
You don’t become brave by waiting until you feel brave.
You become brave by choosing the wobble.
By trusting before you have proof.
By stepping over the threshold—while your knees are still shaking.
And then one day you look up and realize:
You’re riding.
🎙️ View Transcript
[00:00:00] Tiffany Sauder: We'd been out on a couple mile ride and we came back into the garage and she said, mom and I quote, I like how it looks to ride a bike with no trimming wheels, but I'm scared to do it. And I stopped in my tracks because there are a lot of things that I can put in my life where this sentence like works. [00:00:22] Tiffany Sauder: I am Tiffany Sauder, entrepreneur, wife, mom to four girls, and a woman figuring it out just like you. If you're tired of living a life of have to and finally ready to build a life of want to, then you're in the right place. Come on, let's go Build your Life of And. [00:00:46] Tiffany Sauder: Welcome back to another episode of The Life of And Podcast. I'm your host, Tiffany Sauder, and I'm excited about today's conversation. I wrote this little line down on my phone. I have this little, you know, like the notes app is where all good things go to live and sort of be thought about. And I was out walking, my youngest was riding her bike and she said something to me that made me stop and realize, holy crap, isn't that true? [00:01:13] Tiffany Sauder: In so many different areas of our life. So I have been pouring my mind into this idea of we have these dreams in our heads and in our hearts and in our like inner knowing. And there are all of these things that sort of seek to derail it. And I'm finding at 45, I'm writing some goals down going into 2026 that I have been writing down for a long time. [00:01:38] Tiffany Sauder: I've been writing this goal down for a lot of years. Why is it that it's continued to be elusive? And so you've no doubt if you've been listening over the last couple of weeks, been hearing this theme as I. Talked about the difference between goals and priorities and realizing our priorities are really what activate. [00:01:57] Tiffany Sauder: And then Brian and I talked about self-trust and how at the beginning of things, a lot of times people are telling you not to do it. And maybe that's the biggest sign that you should do it, is that people think it's a bad idea because if it was a good idea, it would already exist in the world. So let me give you a little backdrop and then I'll tell you what it is that she said. [00:02:17] Tiffany Sauder: She's all of five, but there's a lot of wisdom in that child like. Sort of moment in life. And so we'll do that and then I'll unpack it a little bit and then you'll do something with it or you won't. You'll get to decide that. So, okay, so for Christmas this year, our third and fourth daughters, we got them both bikes, and as an aside, we got them guardian bikes. [00:02:40] Tiffany Sauder: If you have kids that need bikes, go buy these bikes. This is not a paid advertisement, this is just a mama. Who loves these bikes? They are so thoughtfully engineered. It's insane. The braking system makes the bike break like 30%, like in 30% of the time that it takes phenomen normally. 'cause like stopping is such a big thing for kids' safety. [00:03:02] Tiffany Sauder: The way the break is also at on the handlebar from the very smallest size. So they don't have to transition to the handlebar break when they get older. So that's another safety feature. They are incredible, absolutely incredible bikes. We got ours on Black Friday and I wanna say they were like $300 a piece. [00:03:21] Tiffany Sauder: Something like that. So they do run sales, so they're not like cheap, but it's not like it's a grand because there are gonna outgrow it. But anyways, bikes. Okay. Our new neighborhood that we're riding in, I'm living into has a bunch of sidewalks and they're getting to the age of their 10 and five. I want them to be able to go be like kind of neighborhood kids a little bit 'cause they couldn't do that in our old house. [00:03:41] Tiffany Sauder: And so bikes were the theme of the Christmas. So we have been out riding bikes and my five-year-old does not know how to ride a bike without training mills, but her 10-year-old sister does obviously. So little one, always trying to keep up with older one because such is birth order and how life works. [00:03:58] Tiffany Sauder: And so we were putting the bikes together. Well, my dad did that, but we got, we, when we gave the girls the bikes, both of them did not have training wheels. And my dad was right. He's like, don't put training wheels on Quincy's, the little one, because she'll learn how to ride it. If there's no training wheels, she'll wanna keep up. [00:04:12] Tiffany Sauder: I got so tired of leaning over in my poor little hand trying to hold her seat up, and it was cold out and my hand was cold and I was sweating and I hated it. So I put. The training wheel's on because I couldn't handle it. So here we are, Ivy riding her bike with no training wheels. Quincy riding her bike with training wheels and kind of feeling a little embarrassed that she has training wheels on because she wants to be able to go as fast as her sister. [00:04:33] Tiffany Sauder: She can't take the, take the curbs quite as quickly. There are limitations to the way that she can ride her bike because there are training wheels. And she said this to me after we'd been out on a couple mile ride and we came back into the garage and she said, mom and I quote, I like how it looks to ride a bike with no trim wheels, but I'm scared to do it, mom. [00:04:58] Tiffany Sauder: I like how it looks to ride a bike with no training wheels, but I'm scared to do it. And I stopped in my tracks because there are a lot of things that I can put in my life where this sentence. Makes like works. I like how it looks to be an entrepreneur with a lot of money, but I'm scared to do it. I like how it looks to be in my, you know, most healthy version of my body, but I'm scared to do it. [00:05:25] Tiffany Sauder: And we look at these things from afar. I think sometimes the window of social media, I think sometimes through the window of the television shows that we watch, I think sometimes through the lens of our judgements and the. Sort of crap we put out into the world and the way that we think about people. [00:05:40] Tiffany Sauder: Oftentimes I have found, and I'm thinking negatively about someone else, it's actually because I'm jealous of what it is that they have. And I'm not willing to admit that to myself. And so how often is this the way it looks? 'cause I'm looking at Quincy saying What? Just trust me. Just trust the bike in the way it's designed. [00:05:59] Tiffany Sauder: But she is looking at me and saying, I have no experience. That tells me that I'm gonna be able to do it. And I'm like, look at me. Look at your sister. Look at your dad. Look at your other sisters, all these people, and how to ride bikes. If you just follow my instruction and you trust me, before you've had a chance to actually experience, like before you've actually experienced the success, you have to trust that what I'm believing is true. [00:06:26] Tiffany Sauder: I wanna take a quick moment to thank my partners at Share Your Genius. For the past four years, they have been an incredible part of my journey behind the microphone. Share Your Genius is a content and podcast production agency that helps leaders and brands bring their message to life. So whether you're trying to find your voice, develop a content strategy, or get your leader behind a microphone, they're gonna help you make it simple, strategic and impactful. [00:06:50] Tiffany Sauder: And I am finding this in, in areas of my life right now where I like how it looks to be. Fill in your own word. I like how it looks to have, I like how it looks to experience, fill it in, but I'm scared to do it. And I think that threshold moment is a really, really, really big deal for us. Well, we talked about it in the episode with Brian on self-trust. [00:07:17] Tiffany Sauder: We've got a couple of those. I'm like going deep on this topic right now in my own life and in my own head and in my own goals. And so yeah, she's riding this hard horse really, really hard right now. But I think it's such a big deal, this threshold moment of deciding am I gonna do it or am I not? And in Quincy's situation, it's a very practical thing where I, to learn how to ride the bike without training wheels, I have to first back up and take off to training wheels. [00:07:42] Tiffany Sauder: Then she has to trust me as her coach. She has to trust the guidance that I'm giving, and she has to be comfortable with the fact that she might be able to go slower for, she might only be able to go slowly for a time. She may look dumb at first because she's gonna fall potentially, or she's gonna be uncomfortable, or she's gonna feel nervous. [00:08:02] Tiffany Sauder: She's gonna have to internally, intrinsically be like, okay, it's gonna feel different. I'm not gonna feel as capable. I'm gonna have to go backwards. All of these things. And it's the exact same thing in the adult version of our lives. We just aren't willing to say it out loud to say, I like how it looks to have those things that I am scared to do it. [00:08:26] Tiffany Sauder: And I think there's something very powerful about understanding and knowing when it is that we're on that threshold. When it's like, I'm scared to do this. I'm scared, I'm scared. To try it once I'm scared to make decisions other people aren't expecting me to, I'm scared to interrupt the patterns that I've created in my life. [00:08:42] Tiffany Sauder: I'm scared that if I try and fail that, that is way scarier than having ever tried it all and blaming people around me. I'm blaming environment, blaming things, and whatever the stuff is, it's like, no, I like how it looks, but I'm scared to do it. So I guess I'm asking myself, what's the reframe on this? I like how it looks. [00:09:05] Tiffany Sauder: How do I do it? Maybe that's the reframe. I like how it looks. How do I do it? How do I do it? How do I activate it? How do I make it happen? If she said how I like how it looks, mom, how do I do it? I would've had a very different set of things to say to her. So as you're steering into 2026, if you look back at some of the goals that you wrote down coming into the year and you're like, oh geez, I still haven't done any of it. [00:09:29] Tiffany Sauder: I'm feeling like I'm not as far as I thought, I'm. Part of the statistic. I think it's something like 93% of us have already abandoned our New Year's resolutions, and I don't give a rip about your new's resolutions. What I do care about though is that all of us have something in us that is wanting to get better, and we stop losing our belief and velocity to be able to move forward when life gets busy, when we feel tired, when we feel overwhelmed with what's in front of us, when we stop believing we have any capacity for change. [00:09:59] Tiffany Sauder: We just stop dreaming and we stop having expectations and we stop setting new goals and running hard at something and we just settle for what is. And I don't think that's the way that life was meant to be lived. At least that's not how I want to live life. So anyway, Proverbs, according to little girl, Quincy, I guess was telling my nanny this morning, she's just like so cute. [00:10:24] Tiffany Sauder: Both my nanny and Quincy, but. You know, it's sweet to have a five-year-old in the house, you know, and she gets scared at night and has a bad dream. She like comes and climbs into bed with me and I'm like, for the first time ever as a mom, I feel like I've always liked having big kids spend with the little kids. [00:10:40] Tiffany Sauder: I'm like, man, I just don't want this one to grow up. There's a, I think an innocence in our house because we have a little kid still that, I don't know, I feel like it's not gonna be there when she's all grown. So I guess that's why God has grandkids potentially in the mix, so. Alright. That's a long ways off. [00:10:56] Tiffany Sauder: Anyways, I'm going on a tangent. That's what we do sometimes. I hope that you're stepping into 2026 with confidence. I hope that you're beginning to establish small rhythms and routines that are helping to give you confidence and making progress on your goals. And I guess I'd say I'll just do a plug for the program if you want to join us. [00:11:19] Tiffany Sauder: In the Life of And program, and I can give you a quick overview of what that is. It's a quarterly live session where I'm teaching. You get access to that on demand if the dates that I've chosen don't work for you, and then discussion guides and worksheets, you can apply it and go deep in your own life. [00:11:34] Tiffany Sauder: If you wanna join that with me, just by yourself, we have a way that you can join it for $25 a month. It's like. We've tried to make it just wildly accessible to everyone. If you don't have access to our Life of And library, the academy, you also get access to that. And we'll also be doing some exciting things in between the sessions, but we're not quite ready to script all of that yet into the microphone. [00:11:56] Tiffany Sauder: But we're working on some fun things. So if you wanna join us as an individual, go the to my website. We'll also put a linkage, shown notes, and just sign up. The first session is in February. I also have a Q1 session in March. So quarterly live sessions or if you're part of a company that has an employee resource group focused towards women, or you're part of a women's organization like Women in Construction, women in Tech, that type of group, I would love the opportunity to talk to you about potentially speaking or your organization or a subset of them joining us in 2026 for the Life of And program. [00:12:30] Tiffany Sauder: Excited about the velocity that we're getting in the market with it. We've had great feedback and we would love for you, our listeners to join us. It's the place that I would say I'm putting my first energy right now. The Q1 presentation I'm working on right now, it's almost finished. I'll be sharing some new content that I've never shared before on the podcast or anywhere else. [00:12:50] Tiffany Sauder: So excited to share that with you. Just invite you to join us. It is so much less scary. To do scary things when we're not alone, and we'd love to invite you into our community, into our program, into our tools to help you make 2026 your best year yet. So thanks for joining us and we will see you next week on another episode of The Life of And. [00:13:14] Tiffany Sauder: And I hope you'll see you. I hope to see you inside the program. Thanks for joining today. Thanks for listening to the Life of And this is your weekly reminder to keep making bold choices, saying clear yeses and holding space for what matters most. As always, if you like this episode, I'd love for you to drop a review and share it with your friend. [00:13:34] Tiffany Sauder: It's the fastest way that we can grow the show. Thanks for joining us. I'll see you next time.
