285: The Networking Formula No One Talks About

[00:00:00] Tiffany Sauder: Proximity plus vulnerability equals progress. That's your networking formula. Proximity. Get close to the people who can help plus vulnerability. Have a problem in your pocket. Tell them what you really need help with. That is how you get real sustained trajectory changing progress in your life and in your business.

[00:00:18] Tiffany Sauder: I am Tiffany Sauder, entrepreneur, wife, mom to four girls, and a woman figuring it out just like you. If you're tired of living a life of have to and finally ready to build a life of want to, then you're in the right place. Come on, let's go Build your Life of And.

[00:00:41] Tiffany Sauder: In my true fashion of I'm doing what I can and not doing the most and everything. I'm not actually on the microphone. I'm using my computer, uh, microphone. But here we go. We're gonna rock and roll together. You guys, I was just looking at my podcast feed to see if I had just talked about this topic on the podcast episode or in another place because sometimes my brain gets confused and we're at 302 episodes.

[00:01:06] Tiffany Sauder: How wild. I feel like we under celebrated Sam on the, uh, producer Sam on this whole crossing the 300 episodes milestone. That's so wild. I feel like there's so few things I've done 300 times in my life 'cause I'm more of a starter than a completer. I'm so feeling so proud of that. That's so crazy. How nuts.

[00:01:24] Tiffany Sauder: Anyway, thank you guys for showing up every week and listening. And you know how I love it when you share an episode with a friend? 'cause it's the fastest way that we grow the show. Um, but anyway, 300 episodes apparently. This is what it looks like. I wanna talk about two things today. One is I, I wanna just like give myself some props, not on 300 episodes, on some things that are hard for me to do.

[00:01:50] Tiffany Sauder: And then, um, talk a little bit about this. I gave a talk to a women's group on just the importance of. Not even the importance of networking, but just like how to connect well. And when you go to networking events and you're trying to connect with people like how to do that in a way that works. And so I'm gonna share my formula for that and go through a few things that I shared with that audience that I think could also benefit this group.

[00:02:13] Tiffany Sauder: But Okay. To the congratulating Tiffany part of the episode. So I am an Enneagram three, which is an achiever and I am much. More comfortable with a to-do list in my day than I am like sitting over a slow hot cup of coffee and talking about my feelings, like it's just not my preferred place. And when I get busy and I have a lot going on, I just like motor through it all and I don't stop and ask myself, how am I feeling?

[00:02:45] Tiffany Sauder: What is this doing to me? What major life event is going on and how might I be responding to that in a way that is not just tactical and logistical, but also could be emotional? So I'm not good at that. You guys, if you've been listening, know that we're in the middle of this move, a thing that we chose.

[00:03:04] Tiffany Sauder: And as part of this, we have to get our house ready for market. And we've chosen to do that this fall, even though our house is gonna be ready in the spring, and we'll keep you updated, but. We'll see what happens. So I've known for like a month, five weeks that I needed to start packing up the house. Like I need to start packing up the house because to get it on the market, we are not gonna have every belonging that we own in this house because we're six people.

[00:03:31] Tiffany Sauder: You know, there's just a lot of stuff. So. For like two weeks, I had boxes in my garage and I was like, I've gotta start packing up this house. I've gotta start packing up this house. And I could not get myself to pack a box. I could not get myself to do it. I would run out of time. I would do something else instead.

[00:03:50] Tiffany Sauder: I would wipe off the countertop I would like, I was like, what is going on? Why can I not? Why can I not get myself to pack a box? And then it was like two and a half weeks ago now, almost three weeks ago, I was talking to Sam on the phone and James, my, I don't know, he's like our handyman estate manager. He does so many things for us.

[00:04:11] Tiffany Sauder: He takes care of me, uh, takes care of all of us. And I called Sam and I was like, I can't get myself to pack a box. And I said that out loud to her. I'm a verbal processor, and then I just like started bawling. And I was like, I and I, 'cause I didn't know why I could not get myself to pack a box. I was like, I can't get myself to pack a box because that means that that's the day that I'm starting to undo this house that I have spent 10 years making home.

[00:04:39] Tiffany Sauder: For 10 years, I've brought stuff in the front door for 10 years. I've ran up those stairs to see my girls. For 10 years. I've opened that front door. I welcome friends and family for 10 years. I've opened that garage door for 10 years, like for 10 years. As a mom, I've tried to make it home. I've tried to make it smell like home, tried to make it feel like home.

[00:05:01] Tiffany Sauder: We'd hosted it, entertained. It's where we, it's been the backdrop for our life and it's like. When I start packing boxes, this stops being home and it starts being a project to work on, which when you're busy, you don't need more projects and it stops being our home. It starts being a thing. We have to get ready for strangers and for other people.

[00:05:20] Tiffany Sauder: And this like suspension, I think of this place called home for us that will probably be like nine to 12 months while we're in transit. I think I was mourning that and I think I just needed to cry. Over the fact that that's not going to be our home anymore. And even though we chose it, this is not a decision that was forced on us.

[00:05:43] Tiffany Sauder: I gave myself a day to just cry. Not all day, but I cry. Just let myself have the emotion and I just let my, the people around me see it. It happened to be that James and his. My partner, Randy, were over at our house working that day, getting the outside painted, sanding things off. You know, spray, you know, pressure washing, painting things, all the stuff that you do to get ready.

[00:06:05] Tiffany Sauder: And I went out and I was like, how are things going? I started bawling and I was like, thanks for all you're doing. And also I. It's just so hard that it's not gonna, this isn't gonna be it anymore for us, and we're going to somewhere beautiful and it's gonna be amazing. And I know those stairs will be there for me to run up to see my kids.

[00:06:23] Tiffany Sauder: And I know that that front door will be there for me to open it to friends and family, but there's just kind of this in between. And it was okay, and it was good for me to let myself have that emotion and cry. And I'll tell you, that is a huge step for me to let myself just sort of be a little messy. And to just cry and let it be, and nobody needs to fix it.

[00:06:44] Tiffany Sauder: I just needed to get it outta my body so that I could move on with the plan. So I did it, I did the thing, and I'm sharing that with you, I guess. I don't know. So that you, I don't know why. It's just part of the journey and um, it's part of the journey that I'm just not always good at, and I feel proud of myself that I let myself have that day.

[00:07:05] Tiffany Sauder: And then I got to work and now we're in like, you know, to-do list land and she's back to feeling comfortable 'cause we're in to-do list land. But anyway, it was just good. I was really proud of myself for just stopping and letting it be hard for a day and saying it out loud. So anyway, sharing that with you all.

[00:07:22] Tiffany Sauder: Thanks for going on the journey with me. The other thing I wanted to talk about was this networking thing. So you guys, they say your network determines your net worth and. The older I get, the more true I believe that to be that like the five closest people that you spend time with is who you become.

[00:07:42] Tiffany Sauder: There's all these sayings about how important the value of who you know is in your life and. It is never not the most important thing that you have in your life, in earlier in your career. It's incredibly important mid-career like I am right now. It's incredibly important and outta a late career, it's incredibly like, it's just the most important thing, and two things happened.

[00:08:08] Tiffany Sauder: One, I was at Purdue University on a panel. And, uh, they were talking to this lovely group of freshmen, college freshmen. I mean, they're the greenest little beings, so adorable. Um, about networking and about just like decorum in a professional setting. And there was some just like thoughtful reminders for me.

[00:08:28] Tiffany Sauder: But also then that, like that same week, I was asked to talk to a group of professional women about the importance of networking and connection. And so it was just like top of mind for me. So I wanted to share some of the things that I shared with that room. As a reminder to myself, it was like very powerful to be like, yes, focus in Tiffany.

[00:08:44] Tiffany Sauder: But I also thought, as you are all trying to create value in your businesses, value in your families, value in your life, how do we do this thing called networking or collecting people or expanding our network? How do we do this in a way that is actually like sustainable? And you know how I love a formula and a framework, so I'm gonna give you one.

[00:09:06] Tiffany Sauder: So here is my. Formula for networking, and that is that proximity plus vulnerability equals progress. So I'll say it again. Proximity plus vulnerability equals progress. So proximity. What does that mean? If you are just close to someone, like literally, not like relationally close, but like physically close to one another and the right person is sitting right beside you.

[00:09:35] Tiffany Sauder: But you don't tell them your actual problem that they could help you with, then it does not matter that you have proximity because you cannot get progress. You only have proximity, you don't have vulnerability. Okay? So proximity plus vulnerability equals progress. So if you only have one of them, if you only have proximity and you are not, if you, you are sitting beside the person.

[00:09:55] Tiffany Sauder: At lunch, at dinner, at breakfast, at coffee, whatever, and they 100% have the answer to your most pressing issue, but you never tell it to them, or you never have a way of them knowing it, then it does not matter that you have proximity and you cannot get progress. Alternatively, a. If you are vulnerable to someone, but they don't have the ability to help you, like you don't have proximity to the person who can, then you also don't have progress.

[00:10:21] Tiffany Sauder: So an example of this is like, I think oftentimes I'll use hairdressers. We can sit in the chair, we're sitting there for a couple of hours, and we are most honest with that person about our business challenges or needing cash flow or. Need a big client that could, you know, leave you or an employee that you're really struggling with.

[00:10:40] Tiffany Sauder: And it's like, I'm not saying hairdressers aren't qualified therapists. Mine is amazing and she helps you with a lot of stuff, but that person may not have the relationship that you need. And so the fact that you are vulnerable with 'em, but the proximity doesn't exist to the person who can help you, you don't have progress.

[00:10:56] Tiffany Sauder: So you need both. You need proximity to the people who can help you and. You need to be sure that you have the confidence to be vulnerable with them, to tell them the real thing that you're dealing with, and that's how you get progress in your life. I wanna take a quick moment to thank my partners at Share Your Genius.

[00:11:16] Tiffany Sauder: For the past four years, they have been an incredible part of my journey behind the microphone. Share Your Genius is a content and podcast production agency that helps leaders and brands bring their message to life. So whether you're trying to find your voice, develop a content strategy, or get your leader behind a microphone, they're gonna help you make it simple, strategic, and impactful.

[00:11:36] Tiffany Sauder: So you want proximity, certainly to humans, but you want proximity to the people who are doing the same things that you're doing, fighting the same fight that you're in, and ultimately you want them to be ahead of you a bit. Right. If I'm a $15 million company and all of my friends are $1 million companies, that's amazing.

[00:11:53] Tiffany Sauder: We're dealing with some of the same challenges, but I really want friends who are $25 million companies, $50 million companies, a hundred million dollar companies, 'cause they solve problems that are coming to me. And that is incredibly valuable as I'm thinking about growing and scaling and the complexity and all the stuff that comes with owning and growing a business.

[00:12:11] Tiffany Sauder: So. Proximity to the people who can help you and vulnerability telling them the real thing that is happening. That combination is what actually gets you game changing. Growth changing, like plateau busting. That's the word. Plateau busting progress. That is the formula that gets you there. So the question then is, well, how do we do that better?

[00:12:35] Tiffany Sauder: How do I get in the rooms with the people? How do I ask, how do I be vulnerable? And here's some things that I've done in my career that I think have helped me get to the table with the people who can help me and have the confidence to be vulnerable because it's something that I practice all the time.

[00:12:52] Tiffany Sauder: A few, I guess, just tools to put in your pocket. Well, maybe we'll start with this one. Actually, this is my favorite. Be the first to go deeper or to share your problem. I say always have a problem in your pocket, like in the most literal way. What is the thing that if it was solved, would make a massive difference in your business or in your stress, stress level or whatever?

[00:13:16] Tiffany Sauder: And just literally have a problem in your pocket so that when somebody asks, Hey, what's going on? You don't just say, things are great, the kids are good, just blah, blah, blah, like renovating my house. Nobody really cares about all that stuff. And just telling people those facts don't get me any help at all.

[00:13:31] Tiffany Sauder: But if I'm saying, Hey, my biggest challenge right now is I'm working to scale Life of And, and if you have any places that you think my message would be relevant, would love, uh, introductions and opportunities for speaking engagements. It's like that's the problem in my pocket. I'm trying to figure out how do we scale the Life of And project.

[00:13:48] Tiffany Sauder: It's like, it's the problem in my pocket when somebody asks me how I'm doing. Like, oh my worry, the kids are great, loving what I'm doing, excited about this house. And also, hey, this is kind of the thing that I'm working on right now. If you know anybody can help me, like let me know. I'd love introductions.

[00:14:01] Tiffany Sauder: And then I say to them, this is the second thing. How can I help you? And just shut up. How can I help you? What's going on with you? And when you start there, they will almost always not go back to, here's how many kids I have and what sports cell. And then say, oh, hey, thanks for asking. Here's kind of my biggest issue.

[00:14:21] Tiffany Sauder: And you start changing where the conversation is happening because you had your problem in your pocket. So that's my number one thing. What is the thing that you're solving? And literally carry it around with you and tell people about it. They might be able to help you see some, see an old friend, what's going on, here's what's going on.

[00:14:36] Tiffany Sauder: And also like, Hey, this is what I'm working on. Do you know anybody who I should talk to? So anyways, that's my number one thing. Have a problem in your pocket and then ask them at the end, how can I help you? That's the second thing. Ask, how can I help you? It's like there's nothing more connecting than you being like, oh my word, I have the perfect solution for you.

[00:14:56] Tiffany Sauder: Thank you so much for telling me that I would love to connect you with this person who has helped me, or I've solved that problem before. Here you go. I would love to help you. So that's the second one is help. First just help. How can I be helpful? There's nothing more connecting that it gets their contact information in your phone.

[00:15:12] Tiffany Sauder: 'cause you're like, oh, thanks so much. You know a little bit about what they're working on and so you might meet somebody else that they could connect with. Like how do you just help? In a way that people start to say, you added so much value to my life. This is wild. I'd love to know more about you. I'd love to get to know your business.

[00:15:27] Tiffany Sauder: I'd love to know what you're working on. Just help in whatever way you can, and it needs to be authentic and not pushed and contrived because that's just weird. So don't be weird. The other one I would say is like, try to make in an art form about asking better questions. Be truly curious. Because people love to talk about themselves, and when you can get a layer deeper, you start to be able to get past this sort of surface level social currency that we can have and actually get into the real things.

[00:16:05] Tiffany Sauder: And it's just so much more valuable when you get into the real thing. So some of my questions that I use to kind of prompt things to a new level, if I meet someone older than me. And they're like, Hey, you know what's going on? What stage are you at in life? I'm like, I've got four kids. My husband working, I'm building these businesses.

[00:16:22] Tiffany Sauder: I'll get to know them a little bit and then I'll ask them this question. What advice would you give your 45-year-old self? Like what advice? When you were at my stage in life, my season in life, what did you do really well that you would definitely do again? And if you got to go back and jump into those shoes, like what would you do differently?

[00:16:40] Tiffany Sauder: Like. Sort of play crystal ball with me. Give me some insights. What's your lived experience taught you? And a hundred percent of the time they say, okay, at 45, this is what I was doing. This is what life looked like. This is what was going on. And they start almost giving you this like biograph, like thoughtful wisdom, baked biographical look into that season of their lives.

[00:17:03] Tiffany Sauder: And I learned so many things. Little tips and tricks. I, you know, I wished I would've, whatever it is that they say, and I can pick up some of it, and I can let some of it fall to the ground. It doesn't mean that I have to do everything that they're sharing with me, but it's such a great way to kind of break into a different kind of a conversation.

[00:17:23] Tiffany Sauder: So that's an example. I won't go through all of sort of my little toolbox of questions, but that's an example of just be thoughtful about who is this person and what stage are they in, what are they oftentimes. Thinking about, if I think about somebody younger, I guess maybe I will go into it. They're usually dealing with some level of insecurity and fear about did I choose the right path?

[00:17:44] Tiffany Sauder: They're oftentimes really motivated by like purpose and kind of this like early career excitement for life, and so I'll ask them about things like that. Like, oh, I remember when I was your age, I really struggled with. Just the confidence that I was on the right path. Has that been a thing for you? Or what's driving you right now?

[00:18:00] Tiffany Sauder: And what makes you so excited this season in your life? And sometimes they'll say, I haven't really found my passion yet, but these are the things I'm thinking about. Or, you know, who knows? And if they're in my season of life, they're usually just trying to keep their heads above water. And so I ask about that.

[00:18:14] Tiffany Sauder: Hey, I bet life is going really fast. What part are you loving? Have you done a good job of keeping a hold of your time for yourself? And I will ask questions like that because I care about it. It's some, it's a place I can maybe share some of my own lived and learned experience of how, um, to just like thrive in the season when the water is rushing really quickly.

[00:18:37] Tiffany Sauder: So that's a tip. Have questions that get the conversation to go deeper. You will really get to know people, which makes this whole idea of like networking and connecting and growing your. Your network way less, I don't know, like administrative and tactical and more like, oh my word. These people are doing cool things and they've learned all this stuff.

[00:19:00] Tiffany Sauder: And it's like the stories of these people start to come to life in my head, and it makes it authentically exciting and interesting to me. And so then I show up more authentic because I'm actually interested and excited. And I think that just helps me show up in a space that. I dunno. It was just more sustainable and like more human and more honest for me.

[00:19:22] Tiffany Sauder: The other thing I would add is I'm an extrovert, so I connect really well in a great big group of as many hundreds or thousands of people as you'd like to put in the room. I am happy to go in and I'm gonna have a lot of fun. If you're someone who is not look at a room like that and say, oh my word, I'm gonna have a lot of fun, then literally.

[00:19:43] Tiffany Sauder: Know that about yourself and figure out a way to get involved so that the room is not 200, 300, a thousand people. Like ask the conference, Hey, is there a place where I can volunteer? Is there a committee that I can get involved in? Make the room smaller if you can, by getting involved somewhere, having an entry point so that it's not like I'm walking into an absolute room of strangers, or do the buddy thing, find a friend, even if they're not connected to it, who's a little more extroverted and have them help you navigate the room.

[00:20:15] Tiffany Sauder: Okay? A problem in your pocket is. Probably my number one going through my list here. What else would I like to share? I think the other thing for women I wrote down was see the person, not the package. I don't know what this is like for men, but I think for women, as you get more successful, my observation is that the designer bags get bigger.

[00:20:36] Tiffany Sauder: Your diamond gets bigger, your heels get higher, your clothes get more expensive. And like our package, the way that we dress and present ourselves. I think can sometimes become intimidating, in particular to like the young woman walking into the room who's like, man, I am far from feeling like I've made it.

[00:20:55] Tiffany Sauder: I'm still paying off student loans. We have less than $5,000 in the bank. Like, you know, I'm stressed and out right now. I've leveraged everything. I have to start this business or whatever the story is. I think sometimes we can make ourselves. Look fairly, I don't know, unapproachable as we start to become more successful as women.

[00:21:20] Tiffany Sauder: And so to, I guess, us as the, those of us who are more into our careers and a little more well on our way, encouraging us to see our, the early version of us in the room. And to be approachable. You don't need to not wear those things. I love nice stuff too. But be approachable and remember to see the new people in the room because sometimes we can be hard to come up to, I think, and we can be a little bit unapproachable.

[00:21:46] Tiffany Sauder: And for the younger woman listening to this, I would say to see the person not the package, no matter how. Blinged out or logoed out a woman is, she has a lot of the same pressures that you do too. She's trying to figure out how to get it all done. She's feeling pressure to keep up with email. She's, you know, feeling pressure to keep up in her relationships.

[00:22:07] Tiffany Sauder: Like the problems really aren't any different. The package just looks a little bit more refined. And so I guess just encouragement in that. I think I can just observe this sometimes when I'm in a great big room of women where it's like. You can tell those who are showing up and showing off and showing out, and again, I love it.

[00:22:27] Tiffany Sauder: I'm so here for it, but making sure we're doing it in a way that still really keeps us approachable. To the younger women. Just ignore it. Who cares? It will come for you too. Doesn't matter. So maybe I'm off on that, but to me it feels true. So it's my podcast. I can talk about what I want to. Uh, the last thing I'll leave you with is follow through.

[00:22:47] Tiffany Sauder: Follow through, follow up on the thing that you said you were gonna do. Follow up on the lunch you said you were gonna set up. Follow up on the to-do, follow up on the connection. Follow up so few people actually do anything. Walking out of the room. That you will stand out just by doing that. So, okay, do the things.

[00:23:05] Tiffany Sauder: Do the things. When we show up for ourselves, we show up for our people. I'm gonna remind you of the formula and then we're gonna break off here. Proximity plus vulnerability equals progress. That's your networking formula. Proximity. Get closer to the people who can help plus vulnerability. Have a problem in your pocket.

[00:23:23] Tiffany Sauder: Tell them what you really need help with. That is how you get real sustained trajectory changing progress in your life and in your business. Thanks for listening. If you love this episode, please share it with your friend and we'll talk soon. Thanks so much. S thanks for listening to the Life of And this is your weekly reminder to keep making bold choices, saying clear yeses and holding space for what matters most.

[00:23:46] Tiffany Sauder: As always, if you like this episode, I'd love for you to drop a review and share it with your friend. It's the fastest way that we can grow the show. Thanks for joining us. I'll see you next time.