[00:00:00] Tiffany Sauder: If you've been listening to the pod, we were very intentional coming into summer, Sam and I, with our families and for ourselves, and then encouraging all of you as listeners to do the same of like, Hey, what are your priorities for the summer? So that when everybody's walking on board or you just get to the end of like eight to 10 weeks, like, Hey.

[00:00:17] Tiffany Sauder: I am Tiffany Sauder, entrepreneur, wife, mom to four girls, and a woman figuring it out just like you. If you're tired of living a life of have to and finally ready to build a life of want to, then you're in the right place. Come on, let's go build your Life of And.

[00:00:40] Tiffany Sauder: so this episode is really kind of like. Smorgasbord, a casserole of topics. We're doing like a Midsummer update and just taking a look at like what's going on, how are we doing against our priorities? Sharing candidly about some, I don't know, specific relationship journey, JR and I are on, I didn't ask him beforehand if I could share it, but I will before we push publish.

[00:01:04] Tiffany Sauder: And then just like giving my 2 cents on a few things that are going on inside of our household that summer is not a time where I feel like. We're executing. We're not necessarily in this like high strategic part of the year, and so this is kind of that. It's like a Smorgasbord, a

[00:01:20] Samantha Johnson: casserole. I like the casserole.

[00:01:22] Tiffany Sauder: The casserole. So

[00:01:23] Samantha Johnson: relevant

[00:01:23] Tiffany Sauder: to the working mom. Spell,

[00:01:25] Samantha Johnson: spell

[00:01:25] Tiffany Sauder: smorgasbord.

[00:01:26] Samantha Johnson: Couldn't even forget. Nobody

[00:01:28] Tiffany Sauder: knows what letter it starts with. Is it a real word? We don't know. It starts with. Okay. SCH something. Yes. A casserole. Yeah. So this is a casserole episode, so Oh. Hopefully we have some fun with it. And then also learn a few things.

[00:01:43] Samantha Johnson: Yes. Okay. Let's start with Europe. You just got back.

[00:01:46] Tiffany Sauder: Yes. We're still a little bit in jet lag. Yes, yes, I imagine. But coming this way is way easier than going that way, and I feel like it's a first world problem to be tired after being in Europe. But yeah, we went to celebrate our 20 year anniversary and I'm so grateful that.

[00:02:02] Tiffany Sauder: I always have the plan of us going somewhere every year. JR actually is the one who gets us over the hump of like pushing purchase on the plane tickets. I'm so grateful that he does that, and I'm so grateful that he's like supportive of just spending the money on going places. I was talking to a young couple at church on Sunday.

[00:02:19] Tiffany Sauder: We got home Saturday night. They were like, you know, asking about the trip and I was like, do you guys get away? They'd been married seven years. And they're like, no, like, we want to. And I was like, look. 20 years in, it's the French Riviera and Prague and so it's fancy and whatever, but it was not always that way.

[00:02:37] Tiffany Sauder: But I do feel like we have always really had the practice of getting away together once a year, at least for three nights. I think we were gone for seven or eight this time. So I'm just like encouraging listeners fight for that time. Figure out which one of you is gonna be the one that pushes Ascend on, or like pick purchase on the plane tickets or drive somewhere.

[00:02:55] Tiffany Sauder: It doesn't have to be fancy. But the practice of getting away is like so, so, so important. Couple of things I like went on a walk and was just reflecting on like, okay, what were my observations of this trip? Because how we did it was we had plane tickets, we knew where we were going and we had hotels.

[00:03:13] Tiffany Sauder: That was all, we didn't have like any tours. We had made reservations at this restaurant in ez, which is like in the south of France that my mom and dad had said was gonna be super nice and that was incredible. Other than that, it was just like, we'll see what happens when we get there. And I just think for like right now in the season of our lives, it just like felt right.

[00:03:35] Tiffany Sauder: Our lives are so scheduled and programmed and one of my observations was that like not having any plans connects JR and I in the solving. Oh yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Of like being like, Hey, what are you feeling like right now? What am I feeling like right now? You know what I mean? It like makes us be present together in a way where it's like, if the car was picking up us up at nine and we were doing this tour at 1130 and we were, it's almost like an outside of us thing happening that we're just participating in versus.

[00:04:11] Tiffany Sauder: Like really being really, really being in the moment together and like feeding off of each other's emotional like moment. You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. And I think that is a really important, we are way better at logically connecting than we are emotionally as a couple and as people. And I think it gave us time to just like be still together in a way that is not our natural wiring.

[00:04:37] Tiffany Sauder: Our hotel in Nice was an old convent. And so it was the first like six hours I was there. I was like, where's the fun? Because it was very cony. It, there's no music playing. It was very still like in the courtyard area, there were like lemon trees. The. Pool you couldn't see from anywhere. It was like in the side of the mountain.

[00:05:05] Tiffany Sauder: It was like this long, narrow pool and you just like looked over the side. It wasn't like pool boys with cabanas. You know what I mean? And so you kind, I was kind of like, I'm on vacation. I wanna have this vacation experience. I. But the, it was so serene and I think just what we needed, even though if it's not like, like again, it took me like six hours to be like, what is this place?

[00:05:25] Tiffany Sauder: And woo-hoo. Like, yeah, where's the noise? But it was so special. We, it was like really, really, it was really lovely. And I think the fact that there was no stimulation forced us to just like come down into our. Like bodies and just like be super present in our relationship and like in us. 'cause there weren't all these like external distractions.

[00:05:48] Tiffany Sauder: So we were in the city of Nice and so like right outside the front door was a city and all of the things. But for the time being it was, it was like really sweet. So it was really cool. So that was one, I think not having plans connects us in solving and in being in tune to one another in a way that is like really important right now.

[00:06:05] Tiffany Sauder: My other observation is like, I am so. Beckoned by the unknown. It is a critical part of just like, it's like oxygen to me. So like for example, it was like we went to this amazing restaurant and there were like three or four things on the menu we wanted to try. It's like we knew it was amazing. We could have gone back and tried something else and we know we've known it would've been a 10 or go down, you know, six different alleyways and find some random place.

[00:06:34] Tiffany Sauder: And maybe it's like. Solid four on the food, but the experience was new and so it was like, oh, that food was terrible. But that was so fun. Yeah. Because it was just new. And so JR having the appetite for that and just me being able to fulfill that sense of like adventure and being like, I don't even care if it's terrible.

[00:06:55] Tiffany Sauder: If it was new, I, I got this massage. There was, uh. At our hotel in Prague, there was like a Thai massage place. Oh, do you know what this is? Mm-hmm. Okay. I did not. When I say that, what does it mean? It's

[00:07:07] Samantha Johnson: like, it's pretty intense, right? Like a

[00:07:10] Tiffany Sauder: Well, it's like a, like the lady was on top of the Yes. Yes.

[00:07:14] Samantha Johnson: That's what bed

[00:07:15] Tiffany Sauder: Yes.

[00:07:17] Tiffany Sauder: As much. You two are there together. Yes. As often as her feet were on the floor. Yes. I was like. She's up here. Yeah, so it was, did JR do it too? Is it just you? Okay. Yes. They're like, who's up at rooms like we? I'm like, that's fine. I've been with them a lot. I don't need to be in the same room as, so it was a time massage place.

[00:07:36] Tiffany Sauder: I didn't know what that meant, which is great. And it was like 140 euros for two hours. So two hours, sign me up. Okay, for sure. You're in for two hours. So I was like, I want a new experience. So I got the detox one and she was like, I couldn't totally understand what was gonna happen, which is also fine, but, so I'm gonna be in a seaweed wrap to start with.

[00:08:00] Tiffany Sauder: Okay. Which smells like seaweed. Yes, I imagine. But I did not compute that. Like, so I am laying down, doing my best to keep my eyes closed because it feels just a little safer. And she starts just. Putting this slimy cold stuff on me. Yeah. As seaweed would be. Yes. So I was like, okay, here we go. And in Europe.

[00:08:25] Tiffany Sauder: Outside of the like tiny triangle of disposable underwear I had on the rest was fair game. I was like, okay, okay. Came into my armpits. Wow. I

[00:08:37] Samantha Johnson: mean, that's where you detox. That's what they say is, is it?

[00:08:42] Tiffany Sauder: Yes. It's you making an up screw? No, it's a real thing. Okay. So anyways, wrapped in seaweed and then she wraps me in Saran wrap.

[00:08:50] Tiffany Sauder: Oh, I was like, if you were claustrophobic. Yeah. Wow. You would be unwell. How did she wrap you on sun? Well, they had se wrap on over the towels on the bed. Okay. And I thought it was like, so it didn't get super Yeah. Goopy, who knew you were goopy And all of a sudden she starts picking it above the mattress.

[00:09:11] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah. And like wraps me like a mummy. So that was wild. And then that was like the first hour, and then I took a shower and then I came back for the part where she was on the bed with me. Like all fours behind you with like your arms up over your head

[00:09:31] Tiffany Sauder: is I was like. Anyways. How did JR come outta that know? I dunno. He said it spelled pretty traditional. Mine did not. I don't know what traditional means to him. Yeah. But its, it was a situation. So if you see time massage and you're looking for a new experience, that's what that is. You'll get it. So anyways, you're up.

[00:09:56] Tiffany Sauder: There we go. Okay. I think that's kind of, I always love to like shop Cool. New stuff. Mm-hmm. Bring me up. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What'd you find? Favorite thing I bought? Was this brand called Jimmy Fairy? Have you heard of it? I hadn't either. It's a sunglasses brand. Okay. They're made in France and their thing kind of is having like the chains like, you know, from your glasses.

[00:10:17] Tiffany Sauder: And so I bought one of those and I, I came home and wore them and Ainsley said it was giving kind of chic grandma. So this is my, is that where you wanna be? I'm in that, I'm in my she grandma era. I think they're cool. So Jimmy Farley, I tried to get them shipped to the US 'cause. Once I realized like, these are really cool.

[00:10:34] Tiffany Sauder: You know how you're like shopping around and you're like, I don't know. I was like, I'll just find 'em in Prague. But they're only in France and they don't ship to the US yet. So anyway, I guess keep our eye on it. Jimmy Fairley, uh, or if you're go in France, look up and they're not like crazy price, like they're not wild.

[00:10:49] Tiffany Sauder: They're not like $500, you know? It's like, I think 140 rows or something, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like super, not like what are the ones that I love that are $30? Good. Love those. Not like gooder. They're a little fancier, but not, but not like, yeah. Not like Celine or Prada where it's like $400. I just can't get there With sunglasses.

[00:11:10] Tiffany Sauder: They're plastic. I know. Yeah. That's my life feeling. Margin. They're gonna guess

[00:11:14] Samantha Johnson: they're probably gonna get grabbed by a baby and broken in half. Yeah.

[00:11:16] Tiffany Sauder: And scratched in my purse. I don't know. I just can't get mad around it, so.

[00:11:20] Samantha Johnson: Okay. I think

[00:11:20] Tiffany Sauder: that's, yeah. That's awesome.

[00:11:21] Samantha Johnson: So in you and JR and April, yes. In your marriage check-in, you came out of that and said, well.

[00:11:28] Samantha Johnson: You came out and said a different number, but I remember JR coming out of that and saying, you all were a six. Yes. Or maybe, yeah. Yes. Six, seven, something like that. I think you said 8, 8, 9. We were at least two points apart usually. Yeah. It's usually you're always a little higher, a little more optimistic.

[00:11:42] Samantha Johnson: Yeah. But coming out of that where you think you're both at now.

[00:11:47] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah, so I asked him our last night. I was like, where are we on a scale one to 10? Some of my friends and my YPO friends are like, it's so crazy that you literally ask for a score, like who needs a grade? I was like, I, the explicit part, it's so helpful to me.

[00:11:59] Tiffany Sauder: 'cause I do kind of have this like it'll be fine filter to the world, which can make it difficult for me to discern like when things aren't fine. It's just kind of scary. But anyways, we'll go with it. Which is why I have discerning people like you around me, like you're, you're more like, let's look at this for real.

[00:12:14] Tiffany Sauder: JR is more like, let's look at like this for real. Like I have to have those people around me. 'cause I'm just like, it'll be fine. Sometimes it's just not fine. So he said we were nine and a half when we were leaving on the last night. Wow.

[00:12:24] Samantha Johnson: Nine and a half. I don't know if JR gives 10.

[00:12:27] Tiffany Sauder: So I if feel like that is a 10.

[00:12:28] Tiffany Sauder: It is a 10. It's my own personal death. Yeah. It's my feeling. And I, I hope that we can work to, you know, a nine and a half is probably not attainable every single day. But I asked him like, what makes it a nine and a half? It's like, one is that I just, I am, I'm present to actually see like where he is and I'm not.

[00:12:50] Tiffany Sauder: Just moving through the day no matter what. I think I'm, I listen more intently when we're away versus like in our day to day. And that helps 'em feel like seen and important and relevant, which totally makes sense. And I think just like the act of us and exploring a new place together, neither of us is an expert and both of us being like dominant for SSPORs, I don't like being underneath his knowledge, you know what I mean?

[00:13:15] Tiffany Sauder: Like, don't tell me what to do. And he is. Less like don't tell me what to do. But I think when we're just in this neutral territory of like, we're both students and we're both learning and we're both adventuring, that is a real way for us to like get on the same page. And so I don't know if there's ways we can simulate that in our like life.

[00:13:32] Tiffany Sauder: Life, but So yeah, nine and a half and we went on a walk the morning we got home. 'cause you're up at But Crackle four. Yes. You know, because that's how it goes. And, uh, I was like, I really love our life. Like, I was excited to come home. I was excited to leave and I was excited to come home. And I feel like that's such a gift to love our kids, love our family, love our lives.

[00:13:55] Tiffany Sauder: And so that was like my other takeaway. I'm like, this was not about escaping a thing we hate. It was about going and connecting and having like, new experiences together. So our six and a half, our anniversary is in April. I kind of wanna spend. A few minutes double clicking into this because I feel like as I've gotten some time away from it, I have a few more like epiphanies.

[00:14:20] Tiffany Sauder: And again, this isn't like about our relationship as much as hopefully me sharing our story helps you reflect in places in your own relationship not being like a nine and a half all the time. So we live in an amazing home and it's, how old is it? Have I told you? Like 17, 18 years old? Yeah,

[00:14:36] Samantha Johnson: yeah. Something like that.

[00:14:37] Tiffany Sauder: So there are parts of it that just don't suit our family perfectly anymore as the kids have gotten older and some of it is just like getting worn out. And so we need to decide, am I just gonna get a new oven or are we gonna redo the kitchen? Are we just gonna like repair the part of the. Patio that's like sunken in and gets, gets muddy every single time it rains, or just gonna build it up, or are we gonna replace it.

[00:15:01] Tiffany Sauder: So this sort of like, there's enough of these things that it's like we need to decide what we're doing. Are we remodeling our house? Are we just fixing it to sell it? Are we gonna fix it to stay there? Are we gonna remodel it all? Like what are we doing Or are we moving? And so about a year ago, we started this process of going down the path of remodeling our home.

[00:15:22] Tiffany Sauder: So we hired an architect, we hired a designer, and we went through the whole process. And in that process I equated if we're hiring an architect and hiring a designer than we are doing this project. That's why you hire those people. And JR was more, we're hiring these people so that we better understand what we want, what it's gonna cost, and then we'll decide if we're gonna do it or not.

[00:15:44] Tiffany Sauder: Well, I had spent, I don't know. 30, 40 hours with these people, you know, vividly seeing this remodel of our home and how we would use it and how we would serve people and how it would just suit our family better. And, uh, this would be the kitchen I would cook in. I was just like, it was like, oh my word. I transported our family into this house.

[00:16:02] Tiffany Sauder: Mm-hmm. And I was in love with it because of course, if you're gonna spend a bunch of money to do something, you're gonna, you should love it. So when we got to kind of this line of like, okay, it's time to decide if we're gonna go. No. Go. It wasn't a no-go, it was just, we're not a, we're not a go, which is a no-go.

[00:16:19] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah. And I kind of was a brat about it. Like, I was like, I've put all this work into this thing and now we're just gonna like not do anything. And JR was like, no, we have more information now. And the price came back like 170% of what our budget was. Right. Like

[00:16:37] Samantha Johnson: way beyond it. And that was

[00:16:38] Tiffany Sauder: before you even built anything.

[00:16:39] Tiffany Sauder: Right. So people say you should probably, you're probably gonna go over 10 to 20%. Mm. On top of that. So it was like, it was insane. That is a fact. And I was undeterred by that. Yes, because, because that's my personality. That's okay. Actually. Yeah. That'll be fine. We'll figure it out. I wanna take a quick moment to thank my partners at Share Your Genius.

[00:17:01] Tiffany Sauder: For the past four years, they have been an incredible part of my journey behind the microphone. Share Your Genius is a content and podcast production agency that helps leaders and brands bring their message to life. So whether you're trying to find your voice, develop a content strategy, or get your leader behind a microphone, they're gonna help you make it simple, strategic and impactful.

[00:17:22] Tiffany Sauder: And I couldn't like think logically about it because it was so emotionally invested in this beautiful home and this, you know, all the things that I was like dreaming of. That it all felt practical to me because I was emotionally invested in this like thing that I dreamt up with these people who are more than happy to spend money we may or may not have.

[00:17:42] Tiffany Sauder: And then I put JR in this position because I was not being rational of him having to be the one who just said, who said no, which is like a crappy place to put him in because now he's the no police and he's, I'm putting him in the role of like stealing my dreams. You know, basically like you're a dream crusher.

[00:18:01] Tiffany Sauder: And the thing that I did not see at all was that I made him feel very inadequate in how he's providing for our family because I was like, what? Kinda like, what do you mean we can't afford to do this was what he felt me saying and that was soul crushing for me, that I made him feel that way. And I'm so grateful that he was able to say like, this is how this makes me feel.

[00:18:25] Tiffany Sauder: Like this is insane. And you're looking at me like, this is the base expectation, meaning Tiffany is looking at me JR. As if this is the base expectation. And you're just like, so what do you think? You know, it was kind of what I was doing. And he's like, no. And I'm like, what do you mean no? Like this wasn't, we weren't saying these words to each other, but this is essentially what's playing out.

[00:18:49] Tiffany Sauder: And he's like, what do you mean? What do I mean? This is like 200% of our budget and like. Totally. You know? Yeah, right. It'll be, it'll be super And I just couldn't see it practically. I just needed to back away from the whole thing for a couple of months because I was like, felt like I had to kind of bury this dream, which is an overreaction to what is true of it.

[00:19:14] Tiffany Sauder: Like if we still end up remodeling the house, we will do probably 60, 70% of the project. It's not like, none of it's possible, but I was sort of like, it's nothing. 'cause you get into these like pouty uas. And I don't know, I guess my, I think part of us being at a nine and a half is just taking a couple months just off of this project, me especially, and me also being able to back away and see like there's some real strategic merit in the process that he, I.

[00:19:44] Tiffany Sauder: Is leading our family through with this is important to understand what does what we want cost. Okay, that's a data point. We can't say yes to all of that right now. We could wait five years. That could be a choice that we make. Or I shared in a previous episode, he went around to our neighbors and said, we would be open to buying your home.

[00:20:01] Tiffany Sauder: And actually one replied. And so after July 4th ish, we're gonna get together with them and understand that and just more stuff comes on the market. So. My point in all of this, nobody really cares about where our family lives. But I think sometimes when you're in the heat of a conflict with your spouse, like I could not see how ridiculous I was being, and I was wholly unopen to JR articulating that to me.

[00:20:28] Tiffany Sauder: Mm-hmm. And just like stepping away from it a little bit and realizing like, does JR want anything but the best for our family? Like, no. Does he want anything but to make the right financial choice for our family? Like, no. Like, does he want to give me everything that I, you know, that like, not I want, but like he, he, he, he like wants to delight us.

[00:20:52] Tiffany Sauder: Like that's like, that's his desire. So I think when I was able to look at that and realize I was mostly the one being insane. I do think there's a couple places he could have maybe communicated a little more clearly, but it might have been my inability to listen. Yeah. And so I will, well it just needed some time.

[00:21:07] Tiffany Sauder: Like you

[00:21:08] Samantha Johnson: said,

[00:21:08] Tiffany Sauder: you invested

[00:21:09] Samantha Johnson: so much energy and like excitement in it.

[00:21:12] Tiffany Sauder: Yes. That's hard's hard and I think if I would've gone into it and said, Hey, I'm going through this process to understand what it could look like and what it costs. So that we can look at this, whether or not this option is viable, it would've put me in a more objective place.

[00:21:28] Tiffany Sauder: Different mindset. Yeah, yeah. Versus like, Hey, signing this means we're doing this. And JR never said signing this contract with these architects means we're doing this. It was my own excitement and inference. So anyways, I just feel like we're gonna. Obviously you solve better together when you're at a nine and a half than when you're at a six.

[00:21:48] Tiffany Sauder: And I'm hopeful as we like continue through this journey. 'cause it is a big, it's emotional where you live. Like you've just been doing tons of work to your house and it's like, as a woman, you wanna love it and. It feel like an extension of your personality, all those things. One time we

[00:22:07] Samantha Johnson: wallpapered the tiniest bathroom in the world together and the fact that we didn't divorce after that was a miracle.

[00:22:15] Tiffany Sauder: That little one inside your back door?

[00:22:16] Samantha Johnson: Oh yeah. Terrible. The worst five hours of my life.

[00:22:23] Tiffany Sauder: That was terrible. It was very small. So small. That's hilarious. So anyways, that's House project update. It's not really about the house, it's more just me not being safe. Life and insane. Yeah.

[00:22:39] Samantha Johnson: What else is happening? What's happening now in your world? As we enter July? Yeah. Do you

[00:22:44] Tiffany Sauder: wanna do summer priorities, updates, or Yeah, we do that.

[00:22:48] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah. Where are you? So if you've been listening to the pod, we were very intentional coming into summer. Sam and I with our families and for ourselves, and then encouraging all of you as listeners to do the same of like, Hey, what are your priorities for the summer? So that when everybody's walking on board or you just get to the end of like eight to 10 weeks, like, Hey, so my summer, I give myself a b.

[00:23:12] Tiffany Sauder: Well, Europe was a big one. Yes, and that one's one of mine, so I'll go through them real quick. Fully unplugged for our 20 anniversary trip, and I give myself like an A for that. I was pretty unplugged, I was unplugged, connected with the kids, but other than that, really didn't do anything. So that was one check.

[00:23:26] Tiffany Sauder: Give myself an A for that one. Maintain momentum with work priorities. What do you think? I think we're doing, I think we're moving some things. Yeah. I feel a little scattered in my own world. I had a great conversation offline with Brian Kavicky. He coaches me in my real life and as I'm moving into this Life of And world, he was like, you need to take the exact same success formula that you use Element Three and bring it into your world at Life of And.

[00:23:55] Tiffany Sauder: Um, and that was a big wake up call. 'cause there are some core disciplines, like a scorecard, a behavior cookbook. Like what are the things you're gonna do every single week no matter what. I don't have in place in this Life of And world that I've just kind of let be more intuitive. I. And because I'm like, I don't want you, I wanna be free.

[00:24:13] Tiffany Sauder: And it actually is not freeing at all. It makes me panicky. So I've gotta put those two things in place. Mm-hmm.

[00:24:19] Samantha Johnson: That was like right before Europe. Yes. So I felt like that was like a good mindset shift. Mm-hmm. But now it's like, now we need to do it. I gotta do that this

[00:24:25] Tiffany Sauder: week. Yeah. Yeah. I need to put those two things in place.

[00:24:27] Tiffany Sauder: So I think that will help me feel more confident about whether or not I'm maintaining momentum. 'cause right now I had kind of shared with you, Sam, I'm like, I don't know if I'm doing enough or not each week. Mm-hmm. And that makes me feel just like a little panicky. Yeah. Like you're always behind and, yeah.

[00:24:43] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah. Even though I might not be. Mm-hmm. So, I dunno, a little lesson facilitate 90% completion rate of my family's summer priorities. 'cause I'm like the chief operating officer. I like that mindset and I think we're doing a really good job there as Quincy getting tan. Quincy's getting tanned. Okay. Well, yes.

[00:25:00] Tiffany Sauder: Yes. I mean every 4-year-old should be, you know. Yes. Uh, that was one of hers, which is so funny. And then play pickleball 10 times. I said this was gonna be my hardest one. Yes. And it is literally, you and I are gonna need to play pickleball all time.

[00:25:12] Samantha Johnson: Yeah. Twice a week. There's a pickleball court in our neighborhood, so there you go.

[00:25:16] Samantha Johnson: We need to go. We can go play some pickleball.

[00:25:18] Tiffany Sauder: I have played zero times. I know. Zero. Yeah. Again, this is not a real problem in life, but our pickleball course at the club that we belong to are not done yet. It's been so hot and rainy. I don't know what the problem is, but. It's not really even an excuse. I just, I haven't, has not gotten done on the sketch.

[00:25:34] Tiffany Sauder: So play pickleball 10 times currently is zero. So Sam and Tiffany,

[00:25:38] Samantha Johnson: while we, 10 times in July, just the hottest month of summer,

[00:25:41] Tiffany Sauder: I know it's gonna be brutal. So I'm zero on that. So it was a little ambitious apparently. Okay. That was my summer priorities, that's what I'm doing. I think overall like a B, but.

[00:25:54] Tiffany Sauder: The most important things I think are mostly happening. So yeah. How about

[00:25:57] Samantha Johnson: you? I think I'm probably overall a B two. One of my big ones though this summer was for Bryce and I to do a daily weeknight, which we, a daily weeknight, what did I say? Weekly date nights. Right.

[00:26:13] Tiffany Sauder: Also a,

[00:26:16] Samantha Johnson: sorry, just a little mix up there.

[00:26:19] Samantha Johnson: Go ahead. We love

[00:26:20] Tiffany Sauder: you

[00:26:20] Samantha Johnson: because I felt like. One, we just weren't having a lot of fun together because we're just like logistics all the time. Mm-hmm. With a 10 month old and a 3-year-old, it just felt like we were always having to do things around them and surrounding them, or like, it's just not fun to really take them out and do things yet, or go on a family vacation.

[00:26:38] Samantha Johnson: It's like they're just too young for that to be a fun experience at this point. So we decided to do something every week that's just like a fun thing that we would normally like to do that we haven't been able to do mm-hmm. In recent years with just having little kids. So we've been doing really well at that.

[00:26:55] Samantha Johnson: We've hit it every week so far. Um, I think except one week, but we ended up doing like a. Just a date night in. 'cause I was like feeling sick and,

[00:27:03] Tiffany Sauder: but tell 'em what, did you set up a sitter?

[00:27:05] Samantha Johnson: Yeah, we set up a sitter every Tuesday night. All summer. So eight weeks. And then I have like a list of like things that we think are like fun that we just like don't get to do.

[00:27:15] Samantha Johnson: Like things like top golf or Yeah. Going kayaking, things like that, that you can't necessarily bring little kids to. And yeah, it's gone really well. She comes every week or if she can't, she'll text me and say like, could we do Thursday instead? Mm-hmm. And we just like rearrange things. So

[00:27:29] Tiffany Sauder: I think it's so smarts.

[00:27:29] Samantha Johnson: Great. 'cause you set it up

[00:27:30] Tiffany Sauder: to be a system. Mm-hmm. It's the same sitter all summer long. Yeah. So that's one barrier. Barrier. And the kids get used to her too. Yeah. Which is great. I think it's so smart. And you had also said like Bryce, your husband is in sales.

[00:27:42] Samantha Johnson: Yeah. So he has to do fun things all the time.

[00:27:44] Samantha Johnson: Like he'll go to like steakhouse and he will go out for drinks and he just like gets to do things like that all the time. Games. Yeah. Yeah. Goes to the Pacers games, you know, things like that, that I just. Don't get to always tag along for mm-hmm. Or most of them, I don't get to tag along for 'em with the kids.

[00:27:58] Samantha Johnson: So he will get like that bucket filled where he feels like he's doing fun things and he's going out to eat and then he just wants to stay home. Mm-hmm. And I was like, I don't wanna stay home. I wanna go do the fun thing too. So being able to, to do that, it's just like good for our relationship.

[00:28:13] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah. I think it's so critical to not resent him for getting to go do fun things as a part of his job, because that could totally set into your relationship.

[00:28:21] Tiffany Sauder: It's not his fault, it's just his job. And he's good at it. He's like a social dude, so you're gonna put him in that role 10 times outta 10.

[00:28:29] Samantha Johnson: Yeah.

[00:28:30] Tiffany Sauder: He's fun and funny and all the things. Yes. And so, yeah, I take advantage of that part of him and go do fun stuff together versus like getting mad at him about it.

[00:28:39] Tiffany Sauder: Yep. It's so easy to just become a victim and I was just really proud of you. You were like, I set this up. I was like, oh my word. Go go. So good. So good.

[00:28:49] Samantha Johnson: What's happening now though, as you head into July? Oh yeah. Ainsley's. Deep and volleyball.

[00:28:55] Tiffany Sauder: Yes. So our second one is a volleyball kid. She's very serious about it.

[00:29:00] Tiffany Sauder: She's pretty good. And so I dropped JR and Ainsley off at the airport this morning. They're heading to Dallas for the club. Sports Nationals. Volleyball nationals, which is a big deal. And I don't know why I come feel compelled to like give a three to four minute spiel on my own experience with club sports because my Instagram feed is like filled with.

[00:29:21] Tiffany Sauder: Either like satirical things about club sports, which are mostly true. Like it's a bizarro world for certain, and we have a kid in club sports and I don't know, I'm just gonna give like my three, four minute download on it. I, I, I think this is why it's top of mind. I know this is why it's top of mind for me.

[00:29:39] Tiffany Sauder: It was watching this Instagram reel of this other influencer who, like me, has a bunch of kids in businesses and she was saying how she's. They are a no club sport Family wholly against it is not open to, like, her kids are not in club sports because they know we are not a club sport family. And we've decided that, and I respect that wholeheartedly because it is a s has an absolute impact on your family culture.

[00:30:07] Tiffany Sauder: Over six months she will play in 14 tournaments, which is almost every other weekend. So that has a real impact on your ability to go to church together as a family, to support other kids in their activities, or just do family things like, you know, go to Topgolf and go kayaking and do things as a family.

[00:30:25] Tiffany Sauder: It makes it very difficult 'cause you have other commitments in life too. And so that influencer is right. And as a person on the planet by myself, I had no experience as a kid, no formative experience as a kid around sports. And so. If someone were to ask me before I had kids, will you support your kids being in club sports?

[00:30:47] Tiffany Sauder: I would've been absolutely not. It's a racket. It's a financial, like it's insanity. Why do we need to, you know, travel to Cleveland to play somebody else? She's 13 years old, like there's not enough volleyball teams within an hour drive of our house. Like this is insanity. It's crazy. It's a racket, it's a business, and these kids are just like kind of squirrels in the whole thing.

[00:31:08] Tiffany Sauder: But what I can tell you we're, I think this is our third club season, and Ainsley just turned 14, so she's young. She's like five 10. She's very good. She has a shot at playing in college. But even that is kind of irrelevant because by the time they get through the club sports thing, you've, you've paid for college.

[00:31:28] Tiffany Sauder: Like, you know, getting a scholarship or something is like kind of a booby prize almost. But what I can tell you in, in her as a kid and the role club sports is playing in her development as a human being is much more significant than I could have understood. And what I see in like as we raise these kids, there's all kinds of things that we need to let into our lives that are not necessarily what we would've chosen as a person.

[00:31:53] Tiffany Sauder: Like you may have a kid who's like super into theater, it's like. I'm not a theater person that hasn't played a role in my life, but I wanna work to support what they need to be able to go do that. And she had to sit out a month this year from the club season because she hurt her back, which could be another complaint against it is like it wasn't overuse, but she was mechanically doing some things wrong.

[00:32:16] Tiffany Sauder: That's what it hurt her, but to see where it put her not being able to have that like connection to her teammates not being able to have just like the physical. Challenge of volleyball and having that in her life, it was like a tough road for her and it plays a really significant role in her feeling challenged and fulfilling her need to be competitive and just kind of how she's wired.

[00:32:38] Tiffany Sauder: So again, this is not like a, Hey, this is my. Advertisement for like why families need to do club sports, because that is not what I'm saying at all. But what I'm saying is like I think in another world I would've been that mom on Instagram saying, a hundred percent no, we are not doing this club sport thing.

[00:32:58] Tiffany Sauder: I'm not willing to pay the price as a family for this kid to be able to have this opportunity. And I'm in it now and we're midstream. I mean, she's got four more years of club sports. We've been in it three and I. Understand that our family is making sacrifices for her to have this opportunity. And I see that this is a big enough thing for her development as a human, that it's a cost that's okay to make.

[00:33:26] Tiffany Sauder: So just, I guess it's like, to me it's like, I don't know, I just, I'll just leave it at that. Not even a summary. That's just it. So. I hope you guys are loving your summer even. Even if you're not loving your summer, I hope that you're laughing at the parts that are just like, oh my word. What a mess. Because sometimes it's a little bit of a mess.

[00:33:50] Tiffany Sauder: My house is a permanent sticky mess 'cause everybody's home and everybody's eating food except at nobody wants what's in the fridge. So that's how it's going. Alright, go do the things. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to the Life of And this is your weekly reminder to keep making bold choices, saying clear yeses and holding space for what matters most.

[00:34:12] Tiffany Sauder: As always, if you like this episode, I'd love for you to drop a review and share it with your friend. It's the fastest way that we can grow the show. Thanks for joining us. I'll see you next time.