231: 3 Leadership lessons to take from maternity leave

Welcome to Scared Confident. I'm your host, Tiffany Sauder. So I titled this episode three leadership lessons from maternity leave, which is a little bit hilarious because my youngest is four now. But Samantha, who is, I don't know, like, the leader of all the things in my life. She is out on maternity leave right now, and so we have been preparing for that. And alongside that preparation, I've been giving her pep talks that she hasn't asked for. So I am going to give you the same pep talk that you haven't asked for. About what can you learn? What a leadership lessons from a maternity leave? And I think it's not actually anything to do with a maternity leave. Tiffany Sauder [00:00:42]: I think a maternity leave, what it is, is, like, a very clear moment in time where things are changing. That is what a maternity leave is like. There is a human who does not exist on planet Earth right now that is going to exist on planet Earth. We don't always have quite that level of physical articulation of change when things happen in our lives. And so I'm really using that as a proxy for, like, what are lessons that you can learn from change? Maybe that would be a better episode, but we're kind of in this working mom series, so I use maternity leave. Okay, I'm rambling. Here we go. I have three things. Tiffany Sauder [00:01:22]: The first one is that having a baby or having this major change allow that to be a moment where it moves you forward. So whenever I had babies, I had four of them while I was working at element three and growing the agency, I use that as an excuse to re enter the organization, like, after maternity leave, no matter how long or short it was to reenter the organization in a way that moved me forward, moved me towards where I was trying to go. So, for example, maybe there was, like, a client I was trying to work myself out of, and I was trying to get that client to trust the team to do things that they had, like, otherwise gotten used to trusting me with. Then when I reentered the organization, when I came back to my role, I was maybe not playing that same role, or when I was in the, like, trying to get totally out of client work. I think it was after Ivy. Maybe it was Quincy. I forget which one of them. But, like, I'm literally no longer in client work. Tiffany Sauder [00:02:24]: And so being gone for four, 6812 weeks, six months, whatever it is that you're able to do. I had some very, very short maternity leaves, and some ones that were a little bit more regular sized allow that to move you forward. So whenever there's kind of this pause in service, you know, like, I'm not available in my role for this season. Allow it to move you forward. So the way that you reenter your role, the way you reenter the organization, the way you reenter projects, the way you reenter clients, that you don't necessarily take everything back. So that's lesson number one. Allow it to move you forward into how you're growing into things that you need to expand into. And maybe, like me, you don't have the discipline to, like, give it away when your day to day looks the same. Tiffany Sauder [00:03:12]: The other thing it allows to have happen is it allows other people to step up. So again, I think this is one of those things that can be difficult to do when you're physically present, to be like, okay, I am not going to go to this meeting right now. I am not going to go to this client kickoff. I am not going to be the hero in this meeting room. I'm going to let other people step up. I think it can be hard to do that sometimes when you're in the day to day and when you're in the office and when you're used to doing stuff. And so maternity leaves were a way where I allowed my emerging leaders to, like, step up and maybe do some things that were stretches for them. It allowed me to, like, make room for other people to do things in their own way, in their own style. Tiffany Sauder [00:03:57]: Like Brian Kovicki would teach me, like, hey, sometimes 80% done can be done, so let it be. Let other people step up. Don't be such a crazy control freak. Nobody actually said those words to me, but I think that's mostly what they meant sometimes. And so a lesson that we can learn from a maternity leave or, like, literally, where are places where you need to let other people step up. You are so smothering. You are so involved. You're having kind of this death grip on outcomes and, like, your version of perfection such that there's not room for other people to grow. Tiffany Sauder [00:04:33]: And I tell you, 100% of the time, I was surprised to the positive when you tell people, look, I am counting on you. This is an opportunity for you to show me what you're made of. This is a chance for you to step in and do something that otherwise I would do. I know you have it in you. I know you can do it. I'm a phone call. Text away if you need help preparing, but go do the thing. It creates an awesome opportunity for other people to step up, and they then get to see what they're made of, too. Tiffany Sauder [00:05:04]: I mean, think about how many moments of growth in your own career didn't necessarily come from this super planned career path. It came because, like, somebody was sick, they didn't make the plane. I'm like, this is, like, a silly thing. But even Tom Brady's career as a backup quarterback, when he was ready, he had to perform that day. Like, it wasn't necessarily the plan for him to become the starting quarterback. So this is me using sports analogies, which makes everybody uncomfortable. So we're going to get back to the plan, but you get the point when there is a gap between your ability or, like, other people's perception of your ability and what the moment calls for, that has to exist for us to be able to feel growth, to see what we're made of. And so as leaders in our professional world and in our families, giving our people and our kids a chance to step up is a really big thing. Tiffany Sauder [00:05:59]: I did not have this in my notes, but this is, like, an adjacent thing for me right now when my husband is traveling and it's like I'm running late or something. I need my kids to, like, step up and do stuff. And they learn so much by realizing, like, oh, I could pack the bag, I could make dinner. I could do these things. So allowing others to step up is a huge part of being a leader and allowing that gap to exist, even when it's not going to be done maybe 100% of the time exactly the way that you want it to be done. So the third thing I have written down here is whenever you have a season where there's an absence of you and part of a team and part of a project, whatever that is, it allows you to be reminded of where are you really, truly a difference maker and where could things otherwise probably work without you? It's just a habit for you to be involved. And I can so clearly feel this, like, in my bones. When I would go on maternity leave and I would come back into the organization, there was always a few things where I was like, huh, this thing is, like, kept moving pretty good. Tiffany Sauder [00:07:09]: Like, this is further than I thought it would. And then there were a couple things where I'm like, wow, we've really lost momentum, and I am a real difference maker here. This is not so much the case today, but specifically as it related to, like, sales and new business. I would remember feeling like, oh, if the train was running at 120 miles an hour, it was running at, like, 45 miles an hour. When I came back to the organization, it wasn't zero, but it was just evident to me that there was a velocity that came with my involvement. There was, I don't know, just things that happened as a result of my network and me being present and all. All the stuff. I just was clear. Tiffany Sauder [00:07:45]: I was a very important part of that process. So stepping out for a time, whether it's a maternity leave or you're giving other people on your team a chance to step up, sometimes that can be a way to be reminded of, like, I, dang, I'm really not needed here, and that can be okay. I'll work with myself and my ego on that truth. And where can I level myself up? Where's a problem that I can start putting my energy towards? How do I maybe just allow there a little bit of space to, like, figure out? Where do I take 20% of my time and put it? That can be a very uncomfortable process. This is an aside. This is bonus content. But, like, I've had the title of president for, like, 18 years and the title of CEO for two years. Okay, I wasn't really a president for 18 years. Tiffany Sauder [00:08:30]: Let's be, like, real clear on that. I was an account manager with a president title. I know I had, like, maybe 2% of my job was president y kind of things, but mostly I was in the work, doing client work, sending emails that look like client emails. And as I would evolve out of the things that I was familiar with doing, like, I was really used to being a client manager and, like, doing all the client things. And then when I decided to give that away, somebody else to step into that role, sometimes it was a very eerie feeling, because all of the confidence and competence that I felt from, like, sending off all those emails and being ready for those meetings and having agendas and doing the work and all the stuff that came with being like, oh, this is giving my time a lot of purpose and intention, I was like, I'm giving that away. I didn't always backfill at the exact same rate. And so sometimes it would be like, two days to two weeks, not of twiddling my fingers and nothing to do, but this idea of, like, okay, how do I have the same purpose filled intention towards a new problem that has greater weight and consequence in the organization? And sometimes there has to be this very uncomfortable pause that I feel like nobody talks about, but we really need to talk about. And I also feel a sneeze coming. Tiffany Sauder [00:09:45]: Oh, my word. That's such a funny segment of this episode. Okay. These are my leadership lessons from maternity leave. I want to remind you that sometimes being a leader means that there is this awkward pause between what you were doing and what you need to be doing, because it's not quite clear where you need to move your time, and that sometimes just getting out of the way, getting out of the office, is the best possible thing you can do to give your people a chance to step up. And if you don't want to just keep having kids to do that, then you need to find another way to simulate it. Honestly, I did this after Kyler became president. I named him president in January of like, 22, I think it was. Tiffany Sauder [00:10:30]: And in February, our family went on a two week vacation, and I think he was never so glad that I was out of his way. I didn't take that on purpose, but it was smart for me to be gone within a couple months of him being named president, because then there was a whole two weeks of meetings that I was not present in. It allowed him to kind of norm into his own way of operating and seeing things. And when I got back, I was like, holy crap, literally everything is moving really well. And it allowed me to see he was totally ready for it and allowed him to feel that I trusted him enough to be away. So it doesn't always mean that you have to have go have a kid to, like, simulate this, but be willing to get out of the way sometimes. Maybe I'm just telling this to myself, but anyways, all right, as always, thanks for listening, you guys. This life of and is a crazy, crazy choice, but I'm telling you, every minute of it is worth it. Tiffany Sauder [00:11:29]: I had the most special day this week. It was one of those days where I was like, you know what? This is the day I worked for my daughters. Both had camps that were not in our backyard. I was able to wake up super early, drive them there, be present for them, have cold gatorades and snacks ready, like, whenever they needed them. I was able to not have to bust, you know, what to, like, make sure that I was on a call, and I was just able to be present. It was just a weekday, and I was just in a different town, and we were just doing the thing, and I was able to just be present and not have to know what time it was all the time, except I was late one time, of course, it's like, literally nothing. All I had to do was read the emails, and I still was off on one of the pickups, but it wasn't that big of a deal. But it's so classic. Tiffany Sauder [00:12:19]: I literally. I'm so bad at it but it's not because I'm busy. I'm just bad at it. I don't even have any good excuses but it was just one of those days where I was like I remember having my kids all be super young and being like, you know what? I want sometimes to be able to take days where I'm just present for my kids where I'm still really challenged. I have really cool professional things going on but I'm not needed so urgently every minute that I can't just sometimes go be a mom. So anyway that's what my life of and looks like in this season. And as you're working towards your ideal version of it, I hope you will remember to count the days where it came together the way you'd planned and not just keep score of where you screw up. Thank you for joining me on another episode of Scared Confident. Tiffany Sauder [00:13:12]: Until next time, keep telling fear. You will not decide what happens in my life. I will.